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06/27/2006: "Rush is Soft, But Customs is Hard"

Observational comics like to say that sometimes, the material just writes itself. This would be one of those times ...

You're a famously conservative radio host who's on probation for a little trouble you had regarding prescription medicine a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, you have a ... condition ... that requires you to take a certain little blue pill periodically. Compounding the issue, you're dating a cable news hottie with whom you certainly don't want to have performance issues. But, being a normal, big-headed celebrity, you don't want to risk the media learning that you have a prescription for erectile disfunction. What do you do?

Well, if you're Rush Limbaugh, you apparently have your doctor write you a prescription for Viagra but put his name on the label instead of yours. While this might sound like harmless fun to you and I, it's no laughing matter to the US Customs Service, who held Rush for 3 1/2 hours in Palm Beach yesterday after the drugs were found in his luggage. I certainly understand wanting to avoid any embarrassment associated with a lack of wood, but you'd think someone who's been in the media eye as long and often as Rush Limbaugh would be smarter than this. Lord knows he's gonna get a lot more media attention for this than he ever would have for simply having the prescription in the first place.

Last time I checked, Rush was dating CNN's resident MILF Daryn Kagan. Assuming she's the target of the freshly fueled Rush Rocket, I'd pay cash money to watch her have to read this story on the air ...