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07/14/2006: "I Guess a Good Man Really is Hard to Find ..."

We've all heard the touching stories of children who've called 911 to save their parents, or of operators whose lives were changed by staying on the line with someone. This isn't one of those.

This is the city: Aloha, Oregon. A Portland suburb, where good men are apparently few and far between. One can only assume that was what resident Lorna Jeanne Dudash was thinking when she called 911 trying to track down an attractive deputy sheriff who paid her a visit earlier in the evening.

"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."

After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.

"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

I'm sure you already know the punchline - she got her return visit from the deputy, when he arrested her for abusing the 911 system.

The original visit was in response to a noise complaint by her neighbors. Considering Oregon's rather permissive attitude towards recreational drugs, I'm thinking they might have been involved as well ...

UPDATE: Because I knew you wanted it, I found the mug shot of the aforementioned Ms. Dudash. I particularly enjoy the tattoo peeking out on the left side of her neck.

It was the worry of waking up next to women like this that made me give up drinking ...