Home » Archives » October 2006 » Time For A Change
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10/24/2006: "Time For A Change"
Some years back, a comic - I think Kinison - did a bit about marriage and weight gain. You marry a beautiful girl, and then the pounds start to appear. Never much - just 5 to 7 pounds a year - but over time, they add up. One day, you wake up after ten years of marriage and BAM! You're married to your mother-in-law, right down to the muu-muu.
I'm not married, and I'm certainly not a woman, but somewhere along the line I picked up the weight gain. When I went back to school in '95, it was a struggle but I kept my weight just under 200-lbs. Three years of college led to bad habits, and a certain lack of personal discipline did nothing to help over the years. I haven't jumped on the scale, but I'm quite certain I'm a lot closer to 300 than 200 now. I saw some pictures of myself from tourney season and I was appalled - who the hell is that fat guy who looks like me? This is just totally unacceptable.
Now, periodically over the years I've flirted with lifestyle changes and diets and exercise plans, but with my short attention span they never lasted. Heck, I even did the "Tour de Stance" a year ago when I rode every day the Tour de France riders did. At the end of the tour, I'd logged 263.6 miles. What does the odometer read today? Damn right - 263.6. It's not enough for me to start - I need to finish. 
I kicked around a couple of options, and decided on NutriSystem. Frankly, my biggest problem is eating more than I should, and prepackaged meals should go a long way to solve the problem. Of course, that's assuming the stuff is decent-tasting. We'll find out tomorrow, because the big box o' food arrived today. No, wiseass, this isn't a picture of my food - I'll never have the patience to stack it up like that!
Of course, getting started is only that - a start. But since you have a vested interest in my success (if I die of a heart attack, where will you get your daily snark?) and this is an interactive website, it's time for you to do your part as well. If you see me over the next few months, you need to provide verbal encouragement to keep me focused on the program. But save the "you can do it" rah-rah crap for someone else. I need a different kind of encouragement. Here's one you can try: "Hey, tubby - how 'bout another donut?" Or this: "I'm sorry, but for a moment there I mistook you for Rosie O'Donnell". Feel free to lay it on thick - the meaner you get, the hungrier I'll get - for success, that is.
I'll be updating progress periodically. Just don't expect any of those pathetic before-and-after shots. Unless I find a diet that takes 25 years off, that just ain't gonna happen ... 
