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05/08/2007: "Shed No Tears For Paris"
OK, I'll admit it - the thought of Paris Hilton spending 45 days in a Compton jail makes me giggle like a giddy schoolgirl. Is it wrong? Probably, but it's just so nice to someone with power and privilege give society the finger and have society give it right back - with interest!
OK, to the facts: Paris got her DUI last year and, as part of the punishment, had her license suspended. When she was pulled over again early this year, she claimed no knowledge of the suspension - even through the form she signed acknowledging the suspension was in her glove compartment. She made lame-ass excuses, showed up for court late, and expected to get a slap on the wrist and, at worst, an ankle bracelet. Surprise! 45 days hard time. You could hear the anguished howls from here. Can't you just see it? Paris trading her pet chihuahua for a pet rat, her effeminate boyfriend for a decidedly non-effeminate girlfriend, her BlackBerry for a payphone - oh, someone stop me!
They've even had the stones to appeal to the Governator, invoking the memory of Ford pardoning Nixon!
"If the late former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect the governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton," the petition says.
Look, even if she does the whole time (which I doubt), she's going to be separated from the rest of the prison population. The worst thing to happen will be having to wash her panties in the sink and watching her pedicure go to waste. Hopefully, it will send a clear message to the other celebrities in town who think they're above it all - and the spineless, star-struck judges who keep letting them slide.
Stay tuned ... 
