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05/18/2007: "Start Packing, Paris ..."

In what is probably the only intelligent thing she's done since she was pulled over - the first time - celebutante Paris Hilton has decided to drop her appeal of her sentence for parole violation and accept the potential 23-day stay in the Lynwood pokey. I say "potential" because the sentence is really 45 days, but could be trimmed for expected good behavior. I'll go out on a limb here and assume Hilton will be smart enough to not cause too much trouble.

Paris was said to be terrified by the thought of jail, and has been described as sufficiently traumatized as to be incapable of testifying in a unrelated libel suit being brought against her. But not everyone is sympathetic of her plight, however. Famous ex-con Heidi Fleiss chimed in with her thoughts of Paris' upcoming relocation ...

Richard Abowitz: Do you have any thoughts on Paris going to jail?

Heidi Fleiss: When she wakes up it will be over.

RA: So, you don't think she is facing anything serious?

HF: Of course not. How can you call it serious? When it is over she will meet her new best friend.

RA: So you don't think what she is facing is as bad as she may believe?

HF: Of course not. She is just worried about the stigma that will be attached to her: 'Oh my god, I am not an aristocrat now.' But I happen to really like Paris. I think she is awesome.

RA: Do you actually think she is worried how jail will impact her reputation?

HF: Probably. (This is followed by a string of obscenities invoking stories of Hilton's past behavior, alleged past behavior and present behavior in explicit detail followed by the general indifference of Fleiss to such behavior.) I am saying the worst things I can say so you can't write any of it.

RA: Is there anything you can say without an obscenity about Paris?

HF: Let me tell you, I think Paris is awesome. What I love is that if you take the really richest families in America, all those Fortune 500 parents who send their kids to Ivy League schools and give them the most opportunities to experience culture, their kids still all want to be Paris. I love that.

RA: Do you think her going to jail will change that?

HF: Of course not. She's spent nights in plenty of places that are worse than jail.

Say what you want about Heidi, but she's never dull. Maybe she can give Paris some makeup tips. You know, things like how to grind up bugs to make ink for prison tattoos and such ...