Home » Archives » October 2007 » The Lesser Of Two Pains ...
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10/09/2007: "The Lesser Of Two Pains ..."
Having never been married ... or even very close ... I can't imagine how difficult it must be to finally decide that a marriage has run its course and take steps to end it. Under any circumstances, it must be very difficult. But seeing how ugly some marriages become, I can also understand how opting for divorce could be seen as less painful as remaining in the relationship - sort of like choosing to jump off the burning building to one's death rather than waiting for the flames.
Apparently - and not surprisingly - scientific research support the idea ...
In a study of 9,011 British civil servants, most of them married, those with the worst close relationships were 34 percent more likely to have heart attacks or other heart trouble during 12 years of follow-up than those with good relationships. That included partners, close relatives and friends.
"What we add here is that, 'OK, being married is in general good, but be careful about the kind of person you have married.' The quality of the relationship matters," said lead author Roberto De Vogli, a researcher with University College in London.
Much like marriage, though, it's not as cut and dried as all that:
Another recent study also looked at quality of relationships but had different results. There was no association between marital woes in general and risks for heart disease or early death. But it did find, over a 10-year follow-up, that women who keep silent during marital arguments had an increased risk of dying compared with wives who expressed their feelings during fights. What appeared to matter more for men was just being married; married men were less likely to die during the follow-up than single men.
I have a friend who recently showed her lump of a husband the door. She also has no problem whatsoever in expressing her opinions. Considering the bounce in her step, smile on her face and lightness in her shoulders, I'd say she's proof of the validity of both studies.
I, on the other hand, would appear to need to get my a$$ in gear and get married ... 
