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07/01/2008: "Hands Off The Wheel ... Heads Up Their A$$ ..."
Today's the big day here in California - asshats for everyone!
If only the new law would do more than let some lawmaker sleep soundly at night ...
I have a great respect for the law, but much less for lawmakers. All too often, it's clear that their primary goal it the sustenance of their own position - if they happen to do some good, well, that's just an accident.
Take our new, highly-touted cellphone laws (please!). As of midnight, anyone using a cellphone in a car must use a hands-free device to access it. The politicians are lining up in front of the cameras, crowing about all the lives that will be saved and citing statistics about distracted driving to support their decision.
Unfortunately, most of them must have failed basic statistics.
The law requires you to use an asshat or similar device when talking on the phone. Of course, it still lets you handle the phone to dial calls, answer calls or - wait for it - text message! These idiots think that using one hand to hold a phone to your ear is dangerous, but fumbling with the phone to text message isn't? And for those of you who think only an idiot would try to text and drive, all I can say is that there are more idiots in the world than you might imagine.
It's worth noting that a very similar law goes into effect today in Washington State - but at least they had the good sense ban texting while driving last January. And unlike our piddling $20 ticket, it'll cost you $124 if you grab the phone in Seattle. Once again, California is ass-backward ... just like the new marriage laws (sorry, but you just can't leave me a "straight" line like that and expect me to not run with it ... 
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I can't speak for politicans everywhere, but this law is a pretty typical example of how the ineffective CaliPols work. Take a legitimate problem - in this case, distracted driving - and pick out some small part of it that, while not solving (or significantly improving) the problem, will at least find the support to be passed. Once it makes it into law, find a podium and a camera, all hold hands, and proclaim your greatness as leaders. All that's lacking is naming it after a victim - say, the first little girl who didn't get ice cream because Mom was fumbling with her phone and missed the turnoff.
(As an aside, is there anything as disingenuous as laws that are named after victims? Here in Cali, we have Jessica's Law and Megan's Law and a whole slew of others - all of which are half-assed attempts as solving real problems that do nothing more than get the pols a photo op with grieving parents. That sound you hear in the background? My gears being ground. Grrr ...)
Here's the real problem, Sacramento: Asshats with asshats aren't any safer than someone holding the phone to their ears. It's not their hands being occupied that causes accidents, but their brains (or that which passes for one). There is this myth that somehow, by freeing up both hands to drive the car, everyone will be safer. But that's only true if the driver's brain is in the car, and not somewhere else. What's more, studies indicate that while the new law will probably save up to 300 lives a year, it really only has a significant impact in bad weather and other severe driving conditions. Been outside lately? Hello - Golden State?
I'm reminded of the surprise registered by German car engineers shortly after WWII when they started importing their vehicles to America. They had experience with developing machines that could drive the Autobahn - the prototype of freeways in America - and understood what a challenge it is to the typical human just to keep the car on the road. So when the feedback started to arrive from the States, and the biggest complaint was a lack of a cupholder - a goddamn cupholder - they were amazed. Who in their right mind would be drinking and driving - and we're not even talking alcohol. And yet, most Americans see the driving seat as an extension of the living room, and will continue to do so - right up to the point they impact the overpass support column.
If politicians were serious about solving the problem of distracted driving, they'd ban cellphone usage by the driver of a vehicle - period. At the very least, they could follow the suggestion of one local pol I hear this morning, who advocated ignoring incoming calls - "That's what voicemail is for," she said. Good advice. Unfortunately, what we'll get instead is the stream of "yeah, but's" - "yeah, but if you ban cellphones, you'll have to ban eating / makeup / drinking / radio fiddling / blowjobs / etc". My response? Maybe - let's look at each one individually, and if the statistics say it's a hazard, then ban it.
Step up and govern, for God's sake - the life you save might be your own - or your family ...
