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07/25/2008: "I Wish I Could Have Known Him"

We all - well, most of us, at least - have those things about themselves that we wish we could change. Some, like a thinning hairline or undersized breasts, can be surgically altered. Others, like an annoying laugh, are a little tougher to change.

I have always been a glass half-empty kind of guy. No matter how hard I try, I always see the down side of a situation, and it's cost me in life. It's not the only reason, but it's a contributing factor to why I'm single instead of married, have an average job instead of an extraordinary one, and own a mediocre web site instead of a successful one. It's seldom for lack of skills or opportunity, but my own flawed vision gets in the way.

They say that a positive mental outlook is a real asset when facing medical challenges. I've been fortunate enough to have never needed to find out (knock on wood), but I've always wondered how I'd face it - would it be a life-altering experience that would help me turn around my negative vision, or would I simply fold up my tent and die. I fear it would be the latter.

Then there are those whose battle - and their positive approach to insurmountable odds - can and should inspire us. Ryan Whilte, the young AIDS patient who helped the world understand that it wasn't just a gay thing; Lance Armstrong, whose incredible return from the brink continues to be written; most recently, Tony Snow, who stared down cancer with a smile even as it drained away his life.

I regret that it took his death for me to hear the story of Randy Pausch. A professor of computer science, human-computer interaction and design, we could have had a great conversation of our mutual love of computer-human interaction. But as much as I could have learned from him about how to live, I could have learned much more about how to die.

Pausch was diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer in September of 2006, and a year later gave a "last lecture" at Carnegie Mellon University that made his a media sensation. YouTube, Oprah, The Wall Street Journal - everyone was touched by his approach to life ... and death.

"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you," Pausch said.

"I mean I don't know how to not have fun. I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there's no other way to play it," he said in his Carnegie Mellon lecture. "You just have to decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate. Never lose the childlike wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us."

The inevitable caught up with Randy Pausch this morning, as he died at his home in Virginia. It's indicative of the man that he had recently moved there to be nearer to his wife's parents - understanding the support his family would need after his passing.

When I read stories like Randy's, I am embarassed to tears for the way I manage my own life. I can only hope that in his passing, I can learn and improve. Needless to say, I've already ordered his book this morning.

Randy Pausch was 47 years old. He leaves behind a wife and three children, along with a legion of inspired fans - including this author.