Weekend iCandy

C'mon, you didn't really think you could avoid the iPhone hype did you? Silly rabbit ...

Apple has done a great job at bringing new consumer products to the masses over the last decade or so since co-founder Steve Jobs returned to the company. From the iMac - the first personal computer that could really be called "personal" - to the iPod - which took the stale MP3 player and turned it into an must-have consumer icon - Apple has created a series of iconic products that have changed the way we look at consumer electronics. Now with the new iPhone, they're poised to do the same thing to that technological brick, the cellphone. Here at the ol' MB, we couldn't let that pass without some kind of appropriate tribute.

It's worth noting that the SCMO Home Office staff were Apple fans long before the iPhone, the iPod or even the iMac. Let the record show that the first generation of SCMO was created on a PowerMac 6100 with a rocking 60mHz processor. I have more than that - much more, in fact - in my PDA. We've gone through a series of Macs since then, but we haven't strayed from the brand.

Personally, I'd like to think that the use of a Mac is just a sign of higher intelligence. But it's not just the smart guys using the Macs - here we have long time Eye Candy fav Alessandra Ambrosio checking her email during a photo shoot. On what, you ask? Her iBook, of course.

Hmm ... brains and beauty! You rock, Ale!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 12:27 PM PST [link]

iRock Or iHype - You Make The Call!

So ... are you in line for your new iPhone yet? Of course, that's somewhat rhetorical. If you were, you probably couldn't read this or if you could, it would be on some BlackSomething device that will become obsolete tomorrow.

Clearly, Apple's Steve Jobs has the touch when it comes to new consumer products. From the iMac to the iPod and now the iPhone, Jobs has the iMagic. But when we look back at the first few months of Apple's new wonder device, how will we see it?

No one does the whole media blitz thing the way Apple does. From Jobs whipping his iPhone out at a Mac convention last winter to the incredible commercials highlighting the device's features, the media frenzy is at full tilt. But how can any new device live up to the reputation the iPhone has even before the first one hits the public? We all know how notoriously unreliable first generation products are, but Apple has had a pretty good track record in that area. They've also worked to scale back expectations - after all, when you're on top, the only place to go is down!

I got a chance to see a live demo of the iPhone the other day on CNBC. Unlike the Apple media events or commercials, this was a journalist showing off the features - and they worked just like advertised! The touch screen was amazing, and the applications did just what they were supposed to do. The biggest complaint he has was something over which Apple really has no control. Their telco partner in the venture, AT&T, has a weak network compared to other brands, and right now that's the only network on which the iPhone works.

The other complaint I've heard is about having to use iTunes to download music and load the iPhone, rather than letting the user download directly over the cellular network to the phone. Let's see - Apple already has a music infrastructure in place that nets well over 70% of the music download market share, but they don't want to adopt a different strategy. Gee, wonder why. Besides, that would only serve to highlight the less than spectacular network performance.

Frankly, despite the name, I think that those who think of th iPhone as a phone first are making a mistake. It's not a phone with cool features; it's a wireless handheld computer that also happens to be a phone. Remember, this thing runs a full-features operating system. You don't get a cut down OS like Palm or Windows CE - this is full-blown Mac OSX. That means that all the cool things we already have on our Macs could easily appear on our iPhone. One of the biggest features of the iPhone - the Mac web browser Safari - is just the first of many Mac OSX elements you can expect to see. And all of that in the best video iPod ever made.

Damn ... I'd better go get in line!!!

UPDATE: Jobs held an all-employees meeting today - first in nearly a decade - to discuss the impact of the iPhone. He said that he saw it as the third leg of the Apple triad, with the Mac being one leg and the iPod and iTunes store being the second. He's also going to give every full time Apple employee their own iPhone ... talk about great advertising!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:29 PM PST [link]

Sure Sign Of The Apocalypse

It's hardly news that mankind as a species has a habit of screwing up in the world. Iraq ... Darfur ... global warming ... nuclear proliferation ... uncontrolled reproduction ... the list goes on. Any one of those could mark the beginning of the end of the species. But a sign - everyone's looking for a sign that things are really as bad as they seem.

I have one for you: The Spice Girls are reuniting.

For those of you who don't remember - or, if you were on this side of the pond, never cared - the Spice Girls were an attempt at manufacturing a pop phenomenon by British uber-manager Simon Fuller. Billed as the female answer to the Boy Bands, they made a huge - and hugely short-lived - splash on the pop scene. They were marketed as if they were the new age Beatles, and their initial success was great enough to be dubbed "Spicemania". But while they were hugely popular many places in the world, they never found the same level of success in the States. They continued to have success in Europe for a few years, but by 2000 they were done. Some tried their hands at solo careers, but for the most part the girls are best known today for their relationships - Victoria Adams became Mrs. David Beckham and Melanie Brown ended up in court to prove her child belonged to Eddie Murphy.

I don't know. Maybe they figured that in a world where a waitress can become a star via "American Idol" and any jackass can be seen on reality TV, the world is once again ready for Spice. I'm reminded, though that their biggest hit had a decidedly telling name ... "Wannabe". We'll have to see.

Frankly, I think they all look like "Scary Spice" now ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:38 PM PST [link]

The Bubblehead Talks!

OK, I admit it - I watched the Paris Hilton interview on Larry King Tonight. Heck, how could you not? So far, we don't even know if she can talk - all she's ever had to do is stand and pose! But the answer is, yes - she can talk, and she even had some (relatively) interesting things to say.

By now, everyone in the free world knows the story of Paris Hilton and her jail time. It's been covered from every angle possible except the one that matters - Paris herself. NBC was rumored to have offered $1 million for the exclusive first interview, but instead she came to Larry King. It's always interesting to watch the uncomfortable way a news channel squirms when they become the news themselves, and tonight was no different. There was the news coverage of Paris arriving outside the CNN studios in Los Angeles - the walk past the paparazzi and fans, the hug from a gracious King who escorted her into the studio. Even after the interview was complete, she was still the news - we had to watch Andy Cooper discuss why the Larry King interview was important - if in fact it was.

Paris comes from the Hotel Hiltons, and she's never had much use for an education - a fact that showed in her interview. I'm told she got a GED rather than complete high school, and she comes across as much younger than her twenty-six years. Combine that with the basic lack of life challenges she's had to face, and you can see how a stint in county lockup could be terrifying. She talked about the troubles she had in the beginning - the claustrophobia, the panic attack, etc - but also how she adapted to the strange environment. She read from her journals - they sounded rather junior high - and talked somewhat about working with folks with cerebral palsy or people released from jail trying to readapt to society.

It's a shame that with nearly a month to prepare for this interview, she didn't do a better job of selling the new Paris. She talked in generalities about how God has a plan and she must use the experience to better herself, but this kind of forum would have been a great place to announce a solid plan to follow some of the paths she claims to have found. Instead, though, it was all generalizations. Even Larry King - the master of the followup - had trouble forming a second questions after some of her pat, short answers.

After the interview, Anderson Cooper led a panel discussion about what it all means. Perhaps the funniest part of his show was the obvious affection everyone on the panel had for Paris - everyone, that is, but Anderson, who simply doesn't get it. He showed his frustration over her failure to take advantage of her priviledged upbringing, which I would interesting considering his own pedigree - he's the son of Gloria Vanderbilt.

It wasn't earth shattering TV, but it was interesting - chewing gum for the mind. It should be interesting to see how she's reviewed by those who watched.

UPDATE: Little Miss Paris is getting a valuable lesson today in the power of TV - and of fact checkers. When Larry asked her if she'd never used drugs, Paris confidantly answered, "No, never." Apparently she forgot about all those "ParisExposed.com" videos - you remember, the ones that came from the storage space auction? In them, she's shown bragging about smoking pot as she lights the pipe. Oops. Also, she must not have prepared very well for the interview. She's kept talking about how God helped her through the experience, yet when Larry asked her favorite Bible passage all she could do was stammer something about not having a favorite. I guess she doesn't watch sports and see all the "John 3:16" signs ...

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:45 PM PST [link]

Almost Painless

There are those statements you hear in life that make your blood run cold ...

"Honey ... I'm late"

"Lemme give you a sweet deal on this used car."

"I'm sorry - you have to renew your drivers license in person."

Today, I got to experience the last of those - I had to visit the California Department of Motor Vehicles - the dreaded DMV.

The last few times I had to renew my driver's license, I was given the option to do so by mail. In fact, the last time I actually had to visit the DMV was 15 years ago, when I had to go there to get my license reissued after some stupid behavior (a story for a different time). Since then, I've been able to avoid the process.

No place other than the Post Office has a worse reputation for customer service - or lack thereof - than the DMV, so when I got the notice telling me this time I had to appear in person, I wasn't happy. I stalled as long as I could but, with my birthday - and the expiration of my current license - coming next week, I had no choice but bite the bullet and take my medicine.

The first indication that the process might be better than expected was the ability to find the closest DMV branch online and make an appointment over the internet. I got a nice confirmation email with all the information I needed to find the place. Heading in this afternoon, I arrived at 2:30 for my 2:50 appointment. I expected to find a crowd, and I wasn't disappointed - but there was a sense of ... order ... about it all. Yes, there were a lot of people, but they were being efficiently dealt with. Each customer first went to a central desk where they were assigned a ticket number, then asked to wait for their ticket to be called. In the background, a computerized voice would notify you that "Ticket so-and-so can now be served at Window whatever" - and they had TV screens displaying the same info much like the arrival and departure screens at your favorite airport. Even though this is a small DMV branch, there were 35 windows to help customers.

My number was called in about 10 minutes, and I made my way to the assigned window. I paid my fee ($27 for a five-year license - Cal Fish and Game has a lot to learn from these guys), proved I could see, and received my temporary license. I was directed to a second window where, after a short wait, I provided my signature and thumbprint (both electronic) and had my picture taken. I was out on the stree and on my way by 2:48 - before my actual appointment time even arrived!

I'm pretty quick to criticize stupidity, but I have to credit the folks behind the DMV - they have to deal with the lowest common denominator of society (read: stupid people), yet have found an efficient and quick system to process everyone through.

It makes a fellow proud to pay his taxes ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:52 PM PST [link]

Twenty-Three Days Already?

Attention LA Area Drivers: Paris Hilton has left the building.

OK, we know she doesn't have a driver's license any more, but hey - that didn't stop her last time!

Gosh, it seems like just this morning that the paparazzi were swarming around the Lynwood Jail looking for the money shot of Paris ... wait, that was this morning. Just after midnight, Public Heiress No. 1 Paris Hilton was released from jail. Needless to say, a convoy of OJ proportions followed her as she left the facility and was driven to her grandparents' residence in Benedict Canyon. She'll doubtless be all over the media for the next 48 hours, starting with a much-hyped appearance on Larry King Live tonight.

Most people who heard her proclaimations of how tired she was of her old life and how the prison experience had changed her laughed at the thought. I'm going to do something, however, that most of the others won't - I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Why not? The upside is huge, and the downside minimal.

Look, right or wrong, Paris is one of the most photographed, most documented people in the world. Sure, so far it's all been about the party, but let's just say she truly turns the leaf she claims to have turned. If that same level of publicity was given to conditions in prison, or the challenges facing those making the transition from incarceration to freedom, very good things could happen. And if she falls flat on her pretty little ass, well, then we can all just laugh.

OK, Paris - the next move is yours ... make it a good one.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:11 AM PST [link]

Trained Professionals

So you think you're having a bad day? Bet it's not as bad as these guys ...

From our friends at EHOWA.com comes the story of a less-than-successful yacht lift. You've seen this often enough - put the boat in a sling, move it from land to water or water to land or whatever. It happens every day, and it always goes well. Well, almost always.

In this particular case, the folks delivering the boat were so confident in the outcome that they let two guys ride on the boat during the lift. This is one of those things you never do, like swimming after eating, even though you know the likelihood of failure is woefully low. When the straps broke, they got a whole new perspective on the safety issues involved.

In this shot - the middle of three in the series, the front strap has broken, rotating the bow down, and the yacht is in freefall. So are the passengers - you can see one looking for something to grab near the stern (he's the one in the red circle). Just below him, you can see his partner - or part of him - as he's about to fall the length of the cabin.

Now this looks pretty bad, and it could have been. The good news is that in the final shot, both riders are seen floating free of the yacht - now upside down - and waiting to be plucked out of the drink. Talk about your wild ride!!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:39 PM PST [link]

Short Sports Rant

No, knucklehead - it's the rants that are short, not the sports ...

- When Juan Pablo Montoya decided to leave Formula 1 for NASCAR, he turned a lot of heads - and most of them were left scratching them. After all, why would you leave the premier motorsports racing series for a bunch of hicks turning only left in rolling billboards? But Montoya had clearly had a belly-full of F1 management and what he himself has characterized as "bullshit rules". He'd successfully run for Chip Ganassi in CART - winning both a championship and the 2000 Indy 500 - so it made sense to partner up in this new and strange sport. The only question was how long the partnership would take to bear fruit ...

The answer is 15 races, as yesterday Montoya gave a clinic on how to drive a road course on his way to victory at Sonona. No race had ever been won by someone further back in the field than 13th qualifying position, a testament to how hard it can be to pass on such a course. But Montoya has been racing on road courses his entire career and, given the luxury of fenders, put them to good use. His brake late and stick your nose in philosophy brought him to the front, and a gutsy call on fuel - and Montoya's ability to conserve it - brought them the win. Now let's see him do it on the oval ...

- Did you know that the America's Cup Finals got underway over the weekend? Me neither - and I consider myself a Cup fan. American fans - and the media that serves them - get accused of being "homers", and this clearly show it's true. Hell, the cup is named "America", yet once it was being contested overseas regularly, you don't hear a peep about it here. Our loss.

The finals are a rematch of the last Cup, with the "good" New Zealanders of Emirates Team New Zealand racing the "bad" New Zealanders of the Swiss champions Alinghi. The good news is that for the first time since 1992, it won't be a sweep. Alinghi won the first race handily, but the Kiwis took advantage of an error by Alinghi skipper Brad Butterworth to hand him his first defeat in 16 Cup final races. It should make for an interesting series - if only the folks over here cared ...

- I'm not much of a basketball fan, but even I'm tired of hearing about Kobe Bryant versus Jerry Buss. OK, K - the owner lied to you. Get over it. I get lied to by my boss every day, but I don't demand a trade - and it's not just because I have no trade value, either. Not a chance in hell that they'll trade Bryant, but maybe they'll get him enough help to shut him up. A rumor that Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum might be swapped for Kevin Garnett sounds particularly juicy ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:11 PM PST [link]

Horns Of An Eye Candy Dilemma

Decisions, decisions.

Most of us hate to make decisions. Truth be told, we'll do everything we can to avoid making decisions - we'll put them off as long as possible to keep from having to make them, even when we know they're probably inevitable, anyways.

As a society, we're no better, because now you have to get everybody to agree to make a decision - and that doesn't even count making the decision itself! That's how we get into wars we can't end, and go into denial over global warming - it's so much easier than having to make a decision about it!

So let's boil down this whole decision-making thing and see if you can make a simple decision. Helping us today is model Karolina Kurkova. She's fresh off the annual Victoria's Secret fashion show, and clearly in mid-season form. In fact she's wearing one of their latest creations - a diamond-encrusted bra valued at $6.5 million.

You're a rich businessman for whom $6.5 million is chump change. In fact, you have that much in your pocket right now. So you have a choice - pay $6.5 million for the bra, or pay that much to simply have her take it off. Decisions, decisions, indeed!

So - what's it gonna be?

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:36 AM PST [link]

Surprised We Don't See This More Often ...

C'mon, you didn't think we'd stop with one, did you??

Gossip blogs couldn't survive without the paparazzi. Neither could the stars, although they'll never admit it. Sure, we watch their shows and movies, but it's those die-hard fans with the insatiable appetites for anything about a celebrity that drives an actor's salary up - and gives the paparazzi a reason to be.

Most celebrities are at least tolerant of the photogs, and most paparazzi are relatively respectful of their targets' privacy. But every once in a while, someone pushes things too far, and someone snaps.

Evangeline Lilly was our Weekend Eye Candy a couple of weeks back, and we mentioned then her dilemma, what with her boyfriend's character getting whacked on "Lost". Well, apparently the pressure is getting to her. This is Evy at the airport the other day, displaying her ... love ... for the paparazzi. I'm sure her parents must be proud ...

Of course, she could just be showing off that ring currently occupying the finger next to the outstretched one. If I understand Western culture, I believe that is called an "engagement ring", which means her boyfriend must have given her a parting gift as he left the islands. Funny that I haven't heard anything about that ... you'd think it'd be big news.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:17 PM PST [link]

Summer's Here And The Time Is Right ... For Gossip!

Karma's a funny thing.

Every once in a while, a get a wild hair to make some kind of snarky posting about the stupidity of celebrity. However, every time I act on that urge, I get hammered by folks that think somehow it's "below" me, or more likely, below the site.

Sometimes, though, I get a backlog of great celebrity gossip items, and I just can't resist. Today was going to be one of those day, and I had a couple of good bits. But I wondered what the reaction would be ...

And then I get a MB comment asking if Paris Hilton is out of jail yet. Hello, open door!

Why no, she's not out yet. She's back at the Lynwood Women's Jail, hanging with her homies and trying not to become someone's mate. The stories say she's not eating and has dropped 10 pounds, but with that stick figure, how would you tell?

Easily the funniest story yet comes in the form of a letter purported to be from Paris to a fan who had sent her a letter in prison. It's hard to decide which is the most amusing - the content of the letter, or the way it looks like it was written by a third-grader ...

... the letters I'm recieving (sic) really do put a smile on my face as I sit here in my cell, sad and alone ...

Come to think of it, third grade might be the last time she actually had to do something for herself - like write a letter.

If she gets all the good behavior time, she could be out as soon as next week. Hey - maybe they'll give the cell to her BFF Nicole Ritchie - also in trouble for her lack of driving skills ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:09 PM PST [link]

This Is Why You Don't Give Mall Cops Guns ...

You're an Army PFC in Baghdad, patrolling the streets as part of the "surge". You've been in country for a while now, and have seen things you never thought you'd see. But you've been lucky, too - you're still alive and kicking. You near a "soccer mom" van parked at the curb and smile at a grimy child walking down the street. As you pass the van, there's a horrific blast.

You awake in a field hospital surrounded by medics. They're yelling at you and each other, and you can't tell what they're doing as you fade into and out of consciousness. You only realize it's bad as you pass out once again ...

... Only to awake in an ambulance at Baghdad International Airport. You're being loaded onto a C-17 along with twenty or so fellow wounded soldiers for a flight to West Germany. You're in pain, but you're headed home.

In Germany, several surgeries follow. Slowly, the talented medical teams put the pieces of your shattered body back together. After several days, it's another flight - this time stateside, with the destination of Walter Reed Army Hospital. Sure, you've heard the stories about the rundown conditions, but at least it's back on US soil - far from the gunfire. Or so you'd think.

A security officer at Walter Reed Army Medical Center pulled out a handgun and fired 10 rounds at another officer this morning during rush hour at the hospital's main entrance, but the bullets hit only two cars and a utility pole, D.C. police said.

Security officer Dwan Thigpen, 34, was charged with assault with intent to kill while armed. Thigpen, a veteran of the Iraq war, is due in court tomorrow, police said.

The argument started at about 8:50 a.m., when the victim, whom police did not identify because he is a witness, started joking around with Thigpen, said Fourth District Comdr. Hilton Burton.

"He was messing with him and called him retarded," Burton said. "The suspect didn't take kindly to it."

Thigpen reached for his gun, and a third officer stepped in to stop him, Burton said. Thigpen "broke free" and stated shooting at the officer who called him the name, Burton said.

The officer ran across Dahlia Street, bullets flying behind him. One round made a hole in the front of a red Mitsubishi Eclipse; another went through a blue box-shaped Army truck parked nearby. A third nicked a utility pole.

The shooting was recorded by a security camera, and the footage is very clear, Burton said. "It's very dramatic."

This is troubling on so many levels, it's almost impossible to tell where to start ... almost.

- I realize he's just a rent-a-cop, but they're giving him a gun. Don't they ask a few questions first about, say, his sanity?

- As an Iraq War veteran, this is quite an indictment of the kind of person they're recruiting these days, or the affect the war has on the soldiers - or both.

- I'm going to guess that, spelling aside, this guy's name is pronounced "Dwayne". Remember Johnny Cash and "A Boy Named Sue"? Fiction becomes reality.

Fortunately, Deadeye Dick didn't hit a damned thing, other than a parked car or two. That miracle makes this a story we can laugh about instead of a tragedy to mourn.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:05 PM PST [link]

Your Tax Dollars At Work Part II

In a related - albeit not nearly as interesting - example of yesterday's point, here's one more case of no ability to compromise:

A rule against physical contact at Kilmer Middle School, about 10 miles west of Washington, is so strict that students can be sent to the principal's office for hugging, holding hands or even high-fiving.

Unlike some schools, which ban fighting or inappropriate touching, Kilmer Middle School bans all touching.

At a school of 1,100 students that was meant to accommodate 850, school officials think touching can turn into a big deal. They've seen pokes lead to fights, gang signs in the form of handshakes and girls who are uncomfortable being hugged but embarrassed to say anything.

"You get into shades of gray," Kilmer Principal Deborah Hernandez said. "The kids say, 'If he can high-five, then I can do this.' "

That's a great sentiment, but will they really take the time to analyze the gray? Or will they simply expel the next guy who hugs his girlfriend. My money's on the latter ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:57 PM PST [link]

Your Tax Dollars At Work

For whatever reason, our society has lost the ability to compromise. Somehow over the last 100 years or so, we've forgotten how to develop an answer to a problem that isn't either black or white - grey just doesn't exist anymore. It's just too hard - or too contentious - to develop policies that actually look at an individual case and judge it on it's merits, so we develop sweeping policies that deprive everyone equally. That's why we see zero tolerance policies where a 5-year-old is expelled from school for pulling a girl's hair, or a child's water-bottle is confiscated at the airport ... or women in NYC can prance around topless ...

A woman arrested for exposing her breasts has accepted a $29,000 settlement from the city, her lawyer said.

Jill Coccaro, 27, was arrested on a topless stroll two years ago, despite a 1992 state appeals court ruling that concluded women should have the same right as men to take off their shirts.

Her attorney, Jeffrey Rothman, told the Daily News that his client won the civil rights settlement from the city, which did not admit or deny wrongdoing.

"We hope the police learn a lesson and respect the rights of women to go topless," Rothman said.

She told the newspaper she had gone bare-breasted after running the 2004 city marathon without police bothering her.

"I've always just felt that was something natural," Feeley said of going topless. "I've kind of always done it out of practicality."

Feel free to insert your favorite statement about the decline of social mores here.

If we still understood the art of compromise, then we'd be able to apply some common sense here, and recognize that for as far back as written history exists, advanced societies have had their women cover their breasts. But we can't. Is it discriminatory to force a woman to cover herself? Sure. But is it reasonable? Sure. This is just one woman who can't handle the concept of compromise trying to impose her off-kilter values on the rest of us, while everyone else doesn't have the backbone to stand up and say, "Man ... is this dumb!"

As for me, I'm fine with topless women running around, so long as they understand I may never look them in the eyes again ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:07 PM PST [link]