Rise Of The Asshat

This is a topic I've been meaning to write about for quite some time, but with the new cellphone laws set to take effect in California starting tomorrow, it takes on a new urgency ...

I know you've seen him. Walking aimlessly in public, deep in conversation with a seemingly invisible companion, oblivious of anything around him. You assume he's just another crazy person, until he turns his head and you see it - sticking out of his head like an icepick jammed in his ear, controlling his every thought and movement. Yup - it's a Bluetooth wireless earpiece, tied to his cellphone.

Now, it should be obvious to anyone who comes here often that I'm a big technology fan, and an early adopter of most new ideas. I'm the last guy to suggest that we go Luddite and turn our back on technology. But two things really grind my gears - those who blame technology for the problems of society, and those who use technology as an excuse to undermine the rules of common courtesy - and they are the two sides of the same coin.

Bluetooth technology is not new - I've been using it to sync my PDA for years. But starting tomorrow, if you want to use a cellphone in a car in Cali, you have to go hands-free. For most people, that means the aforementioned Bluetooth wireless earpiece.

Here's the problem, and it's not a new one. Whenever new technology comes along, it takes a certain amount of time for society to adapt the rules of conduct to accomodate it. As the time between generations of technology continues to get shorter, the harder it is to make those changes. You knew that at some point, society wouldn't be able to keep up, and people would simply make up their own rules - no matter how selfish. I thought it was going to be those damned Nextel walkie-talkies that would be the last straw, but we survived those. Instead, it's the asshat.

"'Asshat'", you say? "What's that?"

Clearly, "Bluetooth wireless earpiece" is just too much of a mouthful for normal conversation, and with the proliferation of the devices, we need a simple, catchy, descriptive name for them. The first time I saw someone wearing one in public, looking like some kind of a Star Trek reject, my first thought was, "Man - what an asshat!". That's when it dawned on me that it was the perfect term for both for the earpiece and the person wearing it - voila! Someone has to name it, and it might as well be me. Henceforth, the Bluetooth wireless earpiece shall be known as an "asshat" (lower-case), while the person wearing it inappropriately shall be known as an "Asshat" (upper-case).

You laugh now, but I guarantee you the next time you see one of those nimrods, the first thing to go through your mind will be "Asshat" ...

Let's be clear - I think the asshat is great technology. Being a reasonably law-abiding citizen, I own one myself - a Plantronics Voyager 510 that pairs up to my BlackBerry. I selected it in part because of performance, but primarily because it's the one that looks the least like some kind of earring. Unlike Asshats, I see an asshat for what it is - a business tool. It's not a damned fashion item. I put it on as I get into the car, and take it off as I get out. And yet, you see them everywhere you go - Asshats sporting their asshats as they go about their daily routine. I'm not sure which message they're trying to send - "I'm so damned important that I have to be in touch every second of the day", or "I'm too stupid/lazy to take it off when I get out of the car". Maybe it's just "Look at me - I'm a pretty pretty pony." Personally, I'd no more wear an asshat in public than wear diamond-encrusted grills on my choppers, but at least they give me something laugh at. And if all it were was a fashion statement, I'd dismiss it the way we used to do with parachute pants.

But it's so much more. Once Asshats start to wear their asshats in public, they start to use their asshats in public - and that's the problem. I assume most Asshats wouldn't walk around in public talking to themselves in a loud voice and risk being branded as crazy. But they're perfectly happy to talk through their asshat that way - even though everyone around them only hears the Asshat, and brands them an asshole. Rather than move to a quiet place and hold their conversation, they prattle on about their kids' latest exploits or their recent herpes breakout wherever they happen to be - and we all get to listen.

Several times in the last few days, I've been held up by one of these idiots. Once was in a fast food drive-thru (I was just getting coffee, if you have to know ...), where the Asshat couldn't multi-task counting out his money and holding a conversation simultaneously, and held up the line as he stumbled through (but we'll let them talk and drive - sounds like a good law to me ...). The other time was in the check-out at Home Depot. This particular Asshat probably could multi-task, but she wouldn't - her conversation was just too important, and the fact that we all had to wait for her simply didn't matter to her.

To me, that's the real problem - because the technology is available quicker than the rules for its usage, people make up their own. And when that happens, the mob mentality kicks in, and it's everyone for themselves. That's why they decide that it's OK to impose themselves on the people around them, no matter what. And that's just plain wrong.

So, buy your Bluetooth wireless earpiece, and use it where it's appropriate - like in your car. But wear it in public or - worse yet, use it in public, and expect to hear it from your peers ...

What an ASSHAT!!!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:31 AM PST [link]

Cartwheels and Cleavage

Fame, apparently, is an intoxicating drug. How else can you explain the grip it holds on some people, and the lengths to which some will go to achieve it and, once they have it, keep it forever?

We've watched a parade of people, most with no talent or skill whatsoever, become famous for being famous. Thanks to reality TV, paparazzi and tabloids, folks like Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Heidi Montag or Lindsay Lohan can have careers - hell, can become wealthy! - for doing nothing but pose and preen. It's easy to become disgusted and write it off as a weak generation, but it's important to remember that it's just a new twist on an old plot.

Remember golddiggers? Women who married men just for their money? They did what they had to do to get the ring, and the financial security that came with it. You want to divorce them? No problem - but it'll cost you. They weren't much different than the Gen-X paparazzi whores of today - they just used the different tools that were available.

I mention this because today's Eye Candy is that rare "celebrity" who spans both eras. Marla Maples was the second Mrs. Donald Trump, and survived 6 years of marriage. When her time came and she was tossed aside, she probably didn't soak The Donald the way #1, Ivana, did (he'd learned about the prenup by then), but I'm sure she got her share. What she couldn't get, though, was the continued celebrity that comes with being Mrs. Trump.

What's a girl to do? All those photogs running around LA chasing celebrities and not one watching her. So she took a page out of the Britney Spears playbook, dragged out the bikini and called the paparazzi. Half-naked MILF on the beach? You bet your ass they came!

Now, we at the MB don't support such blatant behavior, but we have to respect anyone who 1) still looks good in a bikini at 46 and 2) can do cartwheels on command for the media. For that, she's earned this week's Eye Candy of the Week slot.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:58 PM PST [link]

Ahoy?

I'm the last person in the world to question how someone else chooses to run their business. After all, I'm the guy who writes a blog that never gets read. But wouldn't you love to have been in the board room at Mill Farm Candies when the Product Development guys made their pitch for their new Gummi Lighthouses?

Beyond the basic lack of interest in lighthouses by the target audience - children - that would make you wonder why this particular shape was chosen to emulate, someone in the room ... someone ... had to have that seminal moment (yes, pun intended) ...

Product Development Guy: OK, that's our pitch. Any questions?
Junior Executive (nervously, absently rotating candy in hand): Umm ... does anyone else notice that this candy looks an awful lot like a ... penis?

Apparently, JE was out of the room relieving himself, or perhaps was afraid to bring up his concern, because the candy hit the market anyway. And now, even though there's no website for Mill Farm Candies, their Gummi Lighthouses are a bona-fide internet star.

In today's viral world, the initial thought is that these things can't be for real, and are just someone's idea of a prank. But apparently not - or at least no one's owning up to it so far.

Somewhere, someone's lookin' for a new job ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:41 PM PST [link]

How 'Bout Them Dawgs!

Even before the start of the College World Series finals, we knew the Bulldogs would be the country's baseball champs. That was because the three-game series matched the mighty Georgia Bulldogs against the unheralded Fresno State Bulldogs. What no one saw coming would be that it would be the team from California's central valley hoisting the trophy in the end.

Fresno State entered the season as a Top 25 pick, but quickly dropped off the radar screen after starting the season 8-12. They picked up steam as the season progressed, but still wound up with a 47-31 record - not exactly the stuff of champions. They had to win the Big West tourney just to get an invite into the 64-team NCAA playoffs - their 80-something national ranking wasn't gonna get it done. Georgia, in the mean time, was the 8th ranked team in the country and rolled towards what was their seemingly inevitable victory.

Six times along the road to Omaha, the Fresno State squad faced elimination, including Game 2 of the finals after losing the opener. In each case, though, they dug deep and won. In the finals, right fielder Steve Detwiler - playing with a torn ligament in his thumb - hammered two home runs and drove in all the runs in a 6-1 victory. Just to make things that much sweeter, he also caught the last out of the game.

"It's mind over matter," he said. "It's just a little pain. The pain is temporary. Pride is forever."

Detwiler caught a fly in right for the final of the game -- just as his teammates predicted in the dugout before they went out for the ninth. He tucked the ball into his back pocket and sprinted to join his teammates in a wild celebration.

Someone suggested he auction the ball. Detwiler just laughed.

This ball, he said, was a keeper.

With the victory, Fresno State became the lowest ranked team in any sport to win a championship. They set a record for the most losses by a baseball champion, but also tied the record for most runs scored in a CWS. A team without stars, they showed that sometimes, teamwork trumps talent.

Well done, Fresno State!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:33 PM PST [link]

Now That's Using Your ... Ah ...

They say necessity is the mother of all invention, but I'd argue that right behind that is desperation. Desperate times make for desperate actions - like in this example here.

Jessica Brunsma was hiking in the German Alps when she slipped and fell onto a rocky ledge. Unable to return to the trail and sustained only by water found on the ledge, she spent 70 hours trapped until rescued. How did the rescue teams even know where to look? They followed the path of her sports bra...

Berchtesgaden police officer Lorenz Rasp said that he helped lift the 24-year-old Bruinsma to safety by helicopter on Thursday after she attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain.

"She's a very smart girl, and she acted very resourcefully," said Rasp. "She kept her shirt and jacket for warmth, but thought the sports bra could work as a signal."

An Alpine rescue team, including five helicopters and 80 emergency workers, had been searching for Bruinsma since she went missing June 16 after losing her way in bad weather while hiking with a friend near the Austrian border.

She badly bruised a leg and dislocated a shoulder in the fall, and the cliff was too isolated for her to climb free, Rasp said.

Rasp said the cable was only within reach because the timber transport system was out of service. When a repairman restored the line on Thursday, the cable car started moving up the mountain and Bruinsma's bra reached the worker at the base. He knew of the missing hiker and immediately called police.

Rasp said his team followed the cable line up the cliff side in a helicopter and found Bruinsma standing on the ledge, waving with her good arm. After circling once, they lowered a winch to Bruinsma and lifted her aboard.

This was the perfect example of compromise. She sent the bra, but kept the shirt. Now, she could have sent more clothes down the line, but she'd have risked exposure and endangered her survival. I'll bet she'd have been rescued a lot faster, though ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:38 AM PST [link]

Maybe She Should Have Written "I'm Not A Seal" On The Bottom Of The Kayak

Even though I can't afford to buy a boat, I've never been a big fan of fishing kayaks. To me, it all seems to be too much of a gimmick, particularly when I see the videos of people hooking billfish and having them tow them around. I'd just say, "To each, his own", but you might rethink it after this story:

A woman kayaking near Catalina had quite a scare when she was dumped out of her boat by a shark. At first, Bettina Pereira thought she saw a whale swim under her, but by the time she realized it wasn't a whale, it had lifted the kayak out of the water and dumped her out.

Pereira is unhurt. Two men in a boat pulled up and helped her to shore, where her anxious husband and son were waiting.

No word yet on what kind of shark it might have been.

One radio report I heard identified the shark as a Great White, and included a quote from the kayaker who stated the shark was big enough that she was initially standing on the shark's head before it swam off.

Sorry, but I need a little more between myself and the critters that a little PVC ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:20 PM PST [link]

RIP George Carlin

Seven words come to mind when I think of George Carlin, who died yesterday of heart failure in Santa Monica. I think you know which ones they are, too. This being a family site, I won't use some of them here, but not because I can't - and George fought all the way to the Supreme Court to insure I could. There are no bad words, George said, only words. Some people chose to use words in bad ways, but that didn't make the words bad. I always found it incredibly ironic that the same people who fought to keep Carlin from using this arguement to defend words used the exact same arguement to defend guns.

Tits? That doesn't even belong on the list. It sounds like a nickname: "Tits ... Toots; Toots ... Tits". Maybe it's a new snack food: "New Lay's Tater Tits ... betcha can't eat just one.

As the Seventies progressed, George's focus got a little less precise (he just spent way too much time worrying about his stuff), which I can only blame on drugs. But he never lost his popularity, and even performed in Vegas last weekend. An original voice silenced.

George Carlin was 71.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 12:56 PM PST [link]

Weekend Eye Candy - Summer's Almost Here Edition

We're in the middle of a heatwave here in SoCal that's, well, Georgia-like. 85 at the beach, 95 inland, well beyond 100 in the Valleys ... summer must be close, right?

Actually, it is - summer starts tomorrow. Damn - that means the year's already half over. I used to be surprised by how time flies ... now I'm just depressed. But there's one thing guaranteed to blow away those summer's here blues - some really solid Eye Candy!

Sports managers always like to talk about their "go-to guy" - that one person on the squad they can count on when the chips are down to get the big shot or score the winning run. Here at the MB, we have our own version of the "go-to guy" - even if it's really a "go-to girl" - Marisa Miller! I'd have to go back and add up the number of times she's graced this space, but when she keeps looking like this, can you blame us? Just replace the oil with suntan lotion and the catwalk with a sandy beach and voila! - summer blues are all gone!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:35 AM PST [link]

Get Ready For Round Three ...

And so once again the worm turns ...

I talked back in March about the Air Force's decision to award a $200 billion tanker contract to Northrop Grumman and their Airbus partners over Boeing, Boeing's surprise at the decision, and their subsequent action to protest the selection. At the time, I thought the protest had no chance, as only 1 in 4 protests are upheld, and Boeing had never before protested a contract.

Well, what do you know - the GAO agreed, and on Wednesday released a report that blistered the Air Force for significant errors in the bidding process.

The GAO found the Air Force did not judge the competing bids according to its own published standards. It also concluded that Air Force officials held "misleading and unequal discussions with Boeing" by failing to tell the company that it had changed its assessment of a key objective, even as they continued talks with Northrop Grumman about the same part of the proposal.

And, after the protest, the Air Force acknowledged that it had misjudged the expected construction and lifetime operating costs of the competing designs, the GAO announced.

Now things will really get interesting. EADS, Northrop's European partner that provides the Airbus airframes, is urging the 4 governments that subsidize it to remain silent on the decision, fearing that negative comments would only stir additional protectionist sentiment here in the US. Northrop, in the mean time, has "delayed indefinitely" this week's groundbreaking ceremony for their new Mobile, Alabama, plant where the tanker final assembly would take place. Politicians are all lining up on one side or the other, based primarily on which company has more business in their home district.

The GAO finding is non-binding, but almost guarantees the Air Force will at least have to scrap this round of bidding. Counting the original 2003 lease/buy contract that was nullified when Boeing admitted certain "improprieties" in the bidding process (amid an investigation led by potential president John McCain), this will now mark the third time the contract has gone to bid.

Want to make it even more interesting? There's a rumor that Congress might try to split the contract between the two companies, throwing each a bone.

Man, is this gonna be a hot summer or what ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:26 AM PST [link]

Teach Your Children Well

Some will call it the "Juno" effect, while others will blame it on the ill-advised pregnancies of teen stars like Jamie Lynn Spears. I'm going to put the blame wher it belongs - squarely in the laps of the parents.

Like most high schools, Gloucester High in Massassachusetts had to deal with a certain amount of underage pregnancy - teenagers are curious, accidents happen and consequences occur. But what they're facing now is unprecidented.

At Gloucester, 17 girls are pregnant as they leave for summer - far beyond what would be statistically normal. But more frightening than the numbers is the reason for the pregnancies.

School officials started looking into the matter as early as October after an unusual number of girls began filing into the school clinic to find out if they were pregnant. By May, several students had returned multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and on hearing the results, "some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan says. All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head.

Society tends to assume that problems like this are unique to the inner city, where poverty and boredom lead to bad decisions. But these are middle-class white girls getting pregnant by choice.

The girls who made the pregnancy pact - some of whom, according to Sullivan, reacted to the news that they were expecting with high fives and plans for baby showers - declined to be interviewed. So did their parents. But Amanda Ireland, who graduated from Gloucester High on June 8, thinks she knows why these girls wanted to get pregnant. Ireland, 18, gave birth her freshman year and says some of her now pregnant schoolmates regularly approached her in the hall, remarking how lucky she was to have a baby. "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally," Ireland says. "I try to explain it's hard to feel loved when an infant is screaming to be fed at 3 a.m."

I understand the desire of parents to give their kids room to grow, and to let them learn from their mistakes, but there's just no excuse for something like this. Are you really going to tell me that there are 17 girls out there who made this pact and none of their parents knew enough about their children's lives to know about it? Totally unacceptable.

Parents, remember - you're their mother and father, not their friend. You took on a responsibility the moment you created that life to guide it to maturity, and there's no dodging that obligation. Step up and do your job!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:14 PM PST [link]

Somewhere, Darwin Is ROTFL ...

Here at the Home Office, we love the Darwin Awards - those prizes given to folks who find the most creative (and stupid) ways to accidentally end their existence. Always poetic, always amusing ... always posthumous.

From Grand Prarie, Texas, let me introduce you to our next contestant:

A 19-year-old man accidentally shot and killed himself Tuesday morning while he was attempting to rob a Grand Prairie home, authorities said.

Cameron Sands, 19, of Fort Worth kicked in the door of the house and then shot himself in the stomach as he pulled a gun out of his pants to shoot the homeowner, Grand Prairie police said. The homeowner was not injured.

After Mr. Sands shot himself, he dropped the gun and ran out of the home. Police found his body around 5:30 a.m. in the driveway of the home in the 2800 block Garden Grove Road, said Lt. John Brimmer, a Grand Prairie police spokesman.

"This is the first that I've heard of a robbery suspect killing himself as he is drawing a gun out of his waist band," Lt. Brimmer said. "The criminal evidence points to that. It certainly isn't common."

With energy prices being what they are, I'm sure the people of the Republic are happy to save the cost of firing up Ol' Sparky for this guy ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:23 PM PST [link]

Tiger Tough

Still think golfers aren't athletes? Try this on for size: From last Thursday through Monday, Tiger Woods walked over seven miles with a torn anterior cruciate ligament and two stress fractures in his left tibia. Oh, and he also won the US Open, arguably the toughest golf tournament in the world.

Woods' performance in the Open was already the stuff of legend, but it grew even larger today when he announced via his web site that the damage to his knee was greater than he'd let on. He'll need season-ending surgery, meaning he'll miss the last two majors and the Ryder Cup. The damage, while significant, is said to not be career-threatening, although others point out that Ernie Els and Brad Faxon never returned to form after they had similar surgeries. But they're not Eldrick.

During the event, Tiger had been coy about his injury, saying simply that the knee felt worse each day. That led some, most notably fellow golfer Retief Goosen, to suggest that Woods was actually sandbagging it and the injury wasn't as significant as he made it seem. I'll bet the Goose is feeling like quite the ass right about now. In his announcement, Woods explained his reticence to talk earlier.

"I know much was made of my knee throughout the last week, and it was important to me that I disclose my condition publicly at an appropriate time. I wanted to be very respectful of the USGA and their incredibly hard work, and make sure the focus was on the U.S. Open," Woods said.. "Now, it is clear that the right thing to do is to listen to my doctors, follow through with this surgery, and focus my attention on rehabilitating my knee."

Perhaps more amazing that the victory itself is that Woods called his shot, telling his doctors that not only would he play against their orders, he'd win the event.

Hank Haney, his swing coach, was with him in Florida when doctors told Woods the preferred treatment was three weeks on crutches, followed by three weeks of rest.

According to Haney, Woods looked at the doctor and said: "I'm playing the U.S. Open, and I'm going to win."

"And then he started putting on his shoes," Haney recalled. "He looked at me and said, 'Come on, Hank. We'll just putt today.'

Amazing.

Woods will miss nearly a dozen events that he normally plays, opening the door for some of the others to try and step out of his very long shadow. I've talked before about how today's generation of golfers never gets the chance to learn how to win whenever Woods is in the field; now we're gonna find out who - if any - really want it ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:33 PM PST [link]

Reason To Be Grateful

They say that no one is really from Southern California, and that there's no real commonality amongst us all other than ZIP code. But I'd dispute that. We all have one thing in common ... we all bitch about the place.

Last week when I was killing time in my hotel in Warner Robins, I stumbled across a cable channel with real estate listings. After watching what I could get for half the money I paid for my house - and realizing I could much more house for that half - I immediately started to bitch about back home. We complain when there's no rain, then again when there is. We complain about the traffic; we complain about the smog; we complain about the people.

Tonight, as I was walking along the Esplaunade in Redondo Beach, I thought back to my stay in Georgia and wondered what I'd be doing for exercise were I still there. I suppose I could be jogging along Watson Blvd, past the hotels and strip malls, sweltering in the heat. Or maybe I'd be hiking in the woods, dodging the kudzu and bugs.

Then I looked up from my feet and took in the sights around me. As I looked north, I could follow the ribbon of Redondo Beach northward as it ran into King Harbor, then saw it transition to Hermosa and Manhattan Beaches in the distance. On the horizon, looming out of the mist, were the Santa Monica Mountains, framing the bay and forming a perfect backdrop. To my left was God's Own Pacific Ocean, crashing on the beach with a roar. Surfers - and surferettes - frolicked in the whitewater as it pounded the sand and slipped back into the water.

Next time you see me complaining about SoCal, remind me of tonight and tell me to shut the hell up ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:14 PM PST [link]

Fishing In Your Genes?

Those of us who love to fish can find ourselves at a loss sometimes when asked to describe why we fish. We talk of the beauty, and the tranquility, and the excitement, and all those things that we enjoy about fishing - but it's hard to say just why we feel almost compelled to fish. Perhaps that compunction goes deeper than any of us realized ...

Primate researchers in Thailand have found monkeys that appear to have learned how to fish for their food. While not a common behavior, the long-tailed macaques have taught themselves to reach in the water and scoop out small fish.

"It's exciting that after such a long time you see new behavior," said Erik Meijaard, one of the authors of a study on fishing macaques that appeared in last month's International Journal of Primatology. "It's an indication of how little we know about the species."

Meijaard, a senior science adviser at The Nature Conservancy, said it was unclear what prompted the long-tailed macaques to go fishing. But he said it showed a side of the monkeys that is well-known to researchers - an ability to adapt to the changing environment and shifting food sources.

"They are a survivor species, which has the knowledge to cope with difficult conditions," Meijaard said Tuesday. "This behavior potentially symbolizes that ecological flexibility."

Sure, they have opposable thumbs, but can they wrap a billfish?

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:44 AM PST [link]

Yo, Rocco!

Give the man credit. Rocco Mediate - 45 years old and far past what most would consider their best golfing years - didn't win the US Open today, but he pushed the best player in the world to the absolute brink. It took another 18th hole birdie by Woods to drive their playoff round to a sudden death 19th hole, where Rocco's magic finally came up short. No one has ever stood toe to toe with Woods like this and lived to tell the tale - and what a tale he'll have to tell! Congrats to Eldrick on the victory, but even higher accolated to Mediate for standing up to the pressure and showing that old guys can golf, too!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:36 PM PST [link]

Goin' To The Chapel ...

Well, they started marrying gay couples here in California today, and the world hasn't come to an end.

I think I'm like most people, in that this is a troubling issue for me. On one hand, I respect the right for anyone to fall in love with whomever they choose, and recognize that the state should have no right to stop them or discriminating against them for doing so. On the other hand, I just can't equate that relationship with a heterosexual marriage, when the plumbing just isn't being used the way it was designed.

To me, marriage isn't a right but rather a privilege; a social compact made with the state for the purpose of easing the financial burden associated with procreation. A driver's license is a similar contract of privilege, one which requires that you meet certain requirements to qualify - in this case, having reached 16 years in age. Similarly, marriage also has a pre-requisite - that you be a heterosexual couple - in order to qualify. A homosexual couple, no matter how stable or loving, simply cannot meet that requirement.

Of course, it's not as easy as all that. Over the years, the increase in technology and removal of social mores have diluted the definition. Many heterosexual couples are unable to create children - does that mean they are disqualified from marriage? At the same time, advances in fertility technology have made it possible for couples - including gay couples - to bear children. Does that make them eligible for marriage by the earlier definition? It's just not cut and dried.

Marriages are currently occuring, but the issue isn't fully resolved. There is an effort to place an initiative on the fall ballot that would clarify the definition and presumably nullify these new unions. We'll have to wait and see what happens next.

In the end, whether you agree or disagree, we can all wish for these new couples the same we'd want for any couple - happiness.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:32 PM PST [link]

Southern Fried Eye Candy

I'm back in SoCal now, but as Ray Charles so rightly put it, I've still got Georgia on my mind. If you ever saw that scene in "Doc Hollywood" where Michael J. Fox's character is sitting in LA listening to the recorded weather for Grady, Georgia, just to hear the accent, you know where I am right now (which reminds me - anyone know whatever happened to Julie Warner, the ambulance driver Fox fell for in DH? Holy Hell, she was amazing ... but I digress ...). I'm sure a couple of days back in the hustle and bustle and smog will work it out of me, but right now, I have a terrible sweet tea jones ...

Anyway, in keeping with the whole "song of the south" theme, I bring you a little example of just what you can miss about the south. I refer, of course, to the Georgia Peach. Playing the role today will be Brittany Swann, Miss Georgia 2007 - and a fine example she is!

The irony is that the picture was shot in LA at the Wilshire Grand in downtown Los Angeles ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 12:40 PM PST [link]

Georgia Wrap

You'd think after spending the better part of a full day travelling, you'd sleep pretty well, wouldn't you? And you'd be wrong ...

I'm back in SoCal, and back at work, but my brains haven't caught up yet. I travel a lot, but most of it is on the West Coast, or no further east than St. Louis. This was the first time I'd been to the other coast in quite some time, and I'm remembering just how much I don't love those long plane rides.

Just an aside here, but if you're going to fly in a commercial jet, for God's sake shower first. There was this "woman" in the row in front of me who looked like this was the first time she'd been out of the house in quite some time, and had forgotten to wash this week. The cabin air is stale enough without that kind of help, lady. I was almost hoping for a decompression just to get at the bottled oxygen.

My meetings yesterday unexpectedly ended before noon, and my flight wasn't until 9:30, so I had a little time to kill. I tramped around the Museum of Aviation at Robins AFB, where they have one of the best displays of planes I've ever seen - everything from a B-1 and B-52 to a C-141 Starlifter, and pretty much everything in between. It's all volunteer run, including the renovation of the planes. Impressive to say the least. I also got to stop in Macon for some awesome ribs at Fresh Air BBQ, and even made a stop at the corner of Bartlett and Hillcrest, better known as the place where guitarist Duane Allman had his fatal meeting with a truck. After a quick driving tour of Atlanta - and a frustrating experience that helped me understand why it has the second worst rush hour traffic in the country - it was off to the airport for the aforementioned flight home.

Anyway, we're back and almost ready to get back to the grind. I have the weekend to kick back and recover, and I plan to enjoy it to the fullest ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 11:51 AM PST [link]

Gonna Be One Of Those Days ...

My body is accustomed to Georgia time now, but my watch still reflects the West Coast, so when my alarm went off this morning, it read "2:30 AM". That depressing fact caused me to reflect on the day ahead. I have a full day of meetings, followed by a 2-hr drive to Atlanta (with a stop for what I'm told will be some killer BBQ in Macon ... ) and a 4 and a half hour flight home. Follow that with waiting for the van to finally drop me off at home, and I should get home somewhere around midnight LA time.

And they think I'm coming to work tomorrow ???

UPDATE: Just got home at 12:50 AM, technically Friday morning. Long day indeed. I think the Eye Candy may run a bit late ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:02 AM PST [link]

A Sports Rant ... On Wednesday?

I've gotta admit that there's not a whole lot to do here in Warner Robins, so I've had time on my hands to follow some of the sports stories. A couple of quick thoughts:

- Yes, the Lakers won last night, but LaLaLand shouldn't get too happy. Only two guys (Bryant and Vujacic) with over 10 points, and there's still an APB out for the missing Lamar Odom. They got the win, which they absolutely needed, but don't expect the Celtics to make it so easy in Game 4.

- Anyone who followed the Triple Crown this year already knew that Rick Dutrow, trainer of the Big Bomb, Big Brown, is a jerk. After all, this is the guy who called his colt's presumed victory in the Belmont a "foregone conclusion", showed up on race day with a hat he was paid by The Donald to wear, and voiced his amazement when the Hooter Girls weren't allowed to parade with his horse. So after Big Brown took his well-earned place alongside The Edsel and "Hello Larry", who does Dutrow blame? That's right - the jockey.

"I don't want to hurt anyone, especially Kent," Dutrow told The Associated Press on Tuesday morning in his barn at Aqueduct. "But I still don't understand what happened. I don't see the horse with a problem, so I have to direct my attention toward the ride. That's all I can come up with."

What a tool ...

- While I think someone needs to stuff a sock in the mouth of disgraced NBA ref Tim Donaghy, the league has to at least investigate his claims that several key playoff games were thrown by refs - presumably on league instructions - in the last few years. It doesn't matter if he has no credibility whatsoever; you can't just say "pshaw" and move on. Full disclosure, David Stern - only way you'll save the league's reputation.

Anyway, as the picture shows, we're waiting for thunderstorm to start to do its thing. There's already some impressive lightning bolts flying around - it's just nice to see real weather for a change!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:45 PM PST [link]

NASCAR Heaven

As I settle in here in lovely central Georgia, I'm starting to notice certain trends.

The first thing you need to know about this place is that this is truly NASCAR country. I can't tell you the number of businesses I've seen for the first time that I already know because they sponsor a car - Cracker Barrel stores, BB&T Bank, Zaxby's Restaurant, Aaron's Rent-To-Own - and the list goes on. Looks like NASCAR is pretty good for getting brand recognition. It's also worth noting that I haven't stopped at any of them, so maybe it's not that good an investment ...

Another curious thing is the large number of businesses you don't normally see. There's a lot of pawn businesses - mostly to pawn your car - but that makes a little sense. This is a proud area, but hardly an affluent one. At least that shows that the folks are committed to paying their debts, as opposed to skipping off to BK like in SoCal.

The other thing you see way too many of is ... Japanese steakhouses? There's like a half dozen of them just on the main drag in Warner Robins. I ate at one tonight, and it was pretty good, but I can't imagine the large number of them - is this Georgia's Little Tokyo or something? Inquiring minds want to know.

It's been a good trip so far, with business going well. The only real disappointment was when I stopped at the Bruester's Ice Cream Store next to the hotel, just to find they're out of peach. Hello - Georgia Peach? Isn't it against state law to run out???

For the geeks in the crowd, you can download this file and use it in Google Earth to see exactly where I am - right down to the sweltering trailer. Just run the file from the link, extract the file in the ZIP file, and double-click it to open Google Earth. What? You don't use Google Earth - only the coolest free program in the world? Download it now, man!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:17 PM PST [link]

Howdy, Y'All ...

I write this entry sitting in a hotel room in Warner Robins, Georgia, praying the air conditioner works as advertised.

I've been doing a lot of travel for the Company lately, but this one came out of the blue. A training package is being developed for our software, and the authors need an audience of experienced users to validate the training materials. That means going where the class is being taught - in this case, Macon, GA. So, on short notice, I'm on a plane to the ATL, and driving the two hours south to Macon. I'll be here through Thursday.

I've never been to the South before, so this ought to be an eye-opener. At the very least, I expect a lot of those Southern stereotypes to be busted - or confirmed. It's certainly been interesting so far. First, it's hot down here - really hot. Today it was 100 in Macon, and won't get under 70 tonight. The humidity has been down around 25%, so the heat is bearable, but there's a possibility that thunderstorms will roll through tonight which should make tomorrow pretty sticky.

Here's another interesting fact - Macon is tornado country. As I was driving down I-75 from Atlanta - the same route Sherman took on his march to Savannah in the Civil War, BTW - I came across a spot where there were a bunch of trees knocked askew and what looked like signs that had been twisted apart. I joked to the guy I was driving with that it looked like a tornado scour. And that's exactly what it was - on Mother's Day, an F2 rolled right through there, doing $400 million in damage. If the sirens blow, I'll know to run.

My clock is still on LA time, so I'm a mess. Gonna turn in early - tomorrow, we'll see about learning more about the area.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:38 PM PST [link]

Weekend Eye Candy - Drunken Pop Tart Edition

America is famous four our trade inbalance. We import far more goods than we produce for the world. One item that we've always been able to export is our influence on the entertainment world. Sometimes, that's good. Sometimes, it's bad (Jerry Lewis to France). And sometimes, it's worse.

Let me introduce you to Lily Allen. Admittedly, other than seeing her in the occasional gossip blog entry, I had no real idea who she was, so I called upon the source of all knowledge - Wikipedia - for the answer:

Lily Rose Beatrice Allen (born 2 May 1985) is an English singer-songwriter and television chat show host. Best-known for her songs, "Smile" and "LDN", Allen is the daughter of actor/musician Keith Allen and film producer Alison Owen. Allen also hosts her own BBC Three talk show Lily Allen and Friends.

She's also been known recently for a decided lack of common sense in public, such as her recent vacation to France, where she decided to parade around topless for the paparazzi. Whatever it takes to advance the singing career, I guess. Well, she took another giant step in "career advancement" earlier this week at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards in London.

Seems Lily was to be given an award for her "varied career", so she pulled out a pink wig and white dress - emblazoned with a decapitated, bleeding Bambi, no less - and headed off. You'd think that'd be enough to guarantee the kind of publicity that she seems to seek. But not for our Lily. No, she had to top it by getting so drunk that her brother Alfie had to carry her out of the ceremony - award still tightly clutched.

Keen-eyed spotters will recognize the pink wig as similar to the one that Britney Spears was fond of during her low point, and it would seem that Lily has modeled her behavior after a combination of Spears and Allen's friend, Amy Winehouse. For now, we can just chuckle about it - only time will tell if she comes off the tracks like those two.

My kind of girl ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:09 AM PST [link]

And You Think Your Ass Is Sore ...

For those of us who work for a living, complaining about our jobs is practically a national pastime. It doesn't matter what the job is or how much we're paid - at some point, we all find someone to complain to. You flop into a chair and proclaim, "Man ... my ass is so tired ...", which is a signal for anyone nearby to stop what they're doing and humor you as you continue to complain.

Most of the time, the rant is without merit. In Utrecht, The Netherlands, however, lives a guy with a different story. When he tells you how sore his ass is, you might want to listen to what comes next. You see, this guy and his two buddies thought it'd be funny to drop trou and run down the street during the dinner hour. They were quite impressed with themselves, but thought they weren't getting the attention they deserved. That's when our boy tried to press his luck - literally - by mashing his ass against the window of a nearby restaurant.

But when the 21-year-old ran up to the front window, the joke was on him - and so were dozens of shards of painful glass splinters, after he pushed his bottom a bit too hard against the pane and it shattered into a thousand pieces. A police statement reveals he then suffered "deep wounds to his derriere."

He was rushed to a nearby hospital and was treated for his injuries. Cops arrested the three stooges for showing their nether regions in the Netherlands but decided not to press charges - there had been enough pressing already - because the repentant guys agreed to pay for the cost of the window.

Screw the window - he needs to pay for the thrown-up dinners! I guess this answers the question of whether they'd translated the show "Jackass" into Dutch ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:33 PM PST [link]

Deja Vu' All Over Again

Plagiarism is a funny thing. You can set out to do something totally original and creative, only to find upon completion that it reminds people of something someone else already did. Sometimes, the resemblance isn't an accident, as in the Chinese iPhone knockoffs. But other times, it's a complete - and usually unfortunate - accident.

That's particularly true in music, where the "borrowing" of ideas has become the stuff of legend. Whether spreading the gospel of the late Bo Diddley by borrowing his classic lick, or blatantly ripping off a digital track from another act via "sampling", it's clearly a case of what goes around comes around

But what about acts with a particularly distinctive sound? Can they be accused of plagiarizing themselves if their songs sound too much alike? The '70s supergroup Boston had many hit songs, and they never sounded the same, but there was no mistaking the distinctive sound. But what about someone like John Fogerty, whose unique voice and guitar licks powered Creedence Clearwater Revival in the Sixties and can still be heard today on his solo tours. His hit "The Old Man Down The Road sounded so similar to the CCR track "Run Through The Jungle" that his former label sued his for plagiarizing his own songs. Fortunately, while the case went all the way to the Supreme Court, Fogerty was ultimately vindicated.

I bring all this up because of a song I heard today. Back in the early '70s, Tom Petty was a struggling musician in Gainesville, FL, playing in a band called "Mudcrutch". When that group went nowhere, Tom and Mudcrutch guitarist Mike Campbell made the long trek to Los Angeles. Once there, they formed a new band you might have heard of - The Heartbreakers - and the rest is history. Thirty years and dozens of hit records later, Petty and Campbell reunited with Mudcrutch members Tom Leadon (brother of former Eagle Bernie) and Randal Marsh to record a new Mudcrutch album.

Here's the hitch: I heard the first song off the album today, a country rocker called "Scare Easy". It had a nice, comfortable sound - too comfortable, in fact. By the time I got to the end of the song, I knew why - it sounds just like the TP&HR hit "Won't Back Down". One could be a studio out-take of the other. Now, is this the inevitable result of bringing together so many of the Heartbreakers (HB keyboardist Benmont Tench plays on the MC album as well), or is Tom just getting lazy in his older years?

Give them both a listen yourself, and let me know what you think.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:05 PM PST [link]

RIP Bo Diddley

There are a lot of people who would like to take credit for creating rock and roll, but very few who deserve the honor. We lost one yesterday with the death of Bo Diddley yesterday.

The New York Times obit puts it best:

Bo Diddley, a singer and guitarist who invented his own name, his own guitars, his own beat and, with a handful of other musical pioneers, rock 'n' roll itself, died Monday at his home in Archer, Fla. He was 79.

Even if you don't know his music, you know the Bo Diddley beat: bum-bum-bum ... bum-bum. The African folk-based syncopated beat is unlike any other. My favorite example is George Thorogood's wonderful cover of Bo's "Who Do You Love", but you can hear it in dozens of other songs. Few others had the impact on the genre that Bo Diddley had, and all you had to do was see the silhouette of his square body Gibson guitar to know you were in for a treat.

Rock on, Bo Diddley ... rock on.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:36 AM PST [link]

Blazing Future

Not sure if it was just a slow news day, or I just underestimate the power of Hollywood, but the biggest story in the world yesterday was the fire on the Universal Studios backlot. The blaze, that started just before dawn, burned for most of the day, consuming three acres of facades and buildings. Because of the nature of the burning material and still air in Los Angeles, a black pall could be seen rising over the studio all day.

With the development of studio back lots into condos, Universal is one of the last of the breed. The fire is believed to have started in the New York Street facade section, an area familiar to any TV viewer - think "Baretta" or "Starsky and Hutch" - and spread to several nearby areas. The Courthouse Square, made famous in the lightning scene from "Back To The Future", was destroyed, although the courthouse itself was saved. Nearby, the King King exhibit was gutted, and a video vault suffered significant damage.

It was the contents of the vault, and the plastic containers of the videos, that generated the black smoke and the stubborn fire. Universal spokesmen said that all of the videos in the burning warehouse were duplicated elsewhere, but this morning there was a story that Universal Music also used the warehouse to store master recordings, and that those may have been lost.

In the early '90s, there was another fire on the back lot that caused nearly $50 million in damage. As a result, there were new deluge systems that were installed in the facade sets to prevent exactly the kind of fire what was seen yesterday. The firefighters indicated that there was an issue with water pressure, and they theorized that the deluge system was actually sapping pressure from the system. Expect lots of investigations into that one.

While the fire department did great work under trying conditions, the studio management pretty much screwed the pooch so far as the public is concerned. The theme park, which includes the CityWalk complex as well as tram tours of the back lot, was scheduled to open at 9AM. They initially stated that the park would open on time - in spite of a towering black cloud of toxic smoke being generated only a few yards away from the public areas. Under pressure from the LAFD, they delayed the opening until noon. But that came and went, and crowds of tourists and would-be park goers milled outside the entrance, drawn by radio reports that included the opening time. At 1, they said it would open at 2; at 2, 2:30, and at 3 they finally admitted the park wouldn't open at all. You'd think an organization that is so dependent on the good will of the public would be better tuned to the need of that public. Of course, they were willing to screw the tourists, but the show had to go on for the MTV Movie Awards, which were held last night at the Gibson Amphitheater on the studio grounds. Maybe they know what side their bread is buttered on after all ...

A lot of history was lost, but hey - this is Hollywood. They'll just rebuild it better than it was ... better .. stronger ... faster ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:46 AM PST [link]