Welcome to the MarlinBlog - unvarnished, unedited and uncensored comments from your host on just about any topic you can imagine. Fishing, sports, celebrity, politics, religion - all those topics they tell you to stay away from in polite conversation. Not here, baby! I make you no promise but this - we may agree, we may disagree, but you'll always get the truth - as I see it ...
Monday, July 31st
Sports Rant
Just some thoughts on the baseball trade deadline, which passed about an hour ago ...
- Surprised that Alphonso Soriano is still a National. He's a free agent at the end of the season, and they've shown no indication that they'll do anything but let him walk. Passing on what must have been a big stack of potential deals could be an expensive mistake.
- Not surprised that Greg Maddox was dealt. Knock-me-down shocked that he went to the Dodgers. Sorry to see Cesar Izturis go, because he's a talented dude. If this was a year ago, I'd be really scared. Paul DePodesta always acted like he was the smartest guy in the room, even if he wasn't. Ned Colletti just might be the smartest, especially when it comes to baseball. I guess now we're gonna see ...
- The Marlins just ended a 5-game set with the Phillies. This is one of those character-builders, and we went 2-3 - not bad, considering the last 3 5-game series we had we were swept. It looked like it might be a good series, when the first game was a 4-1 Fish victory and Ricky Nolasco tossed 1-hit ball. The next 4? 12-3 Phils, 11-5 Phils , 9-2 Phils, and today 15-2 Marlins. A real pitchers duel ...
I feel like I should make some kind of snarky comment about the wedding of Pam Anderson and Kid Rock over the weekend. After seeing this photo from the wedding - yes, from the wedding - I'm not sure words are even necessary ...
These are tough times in the world. People are killing each other in Bagdad. The Israelis are trying to push Hezbollah and Hamas into the sea. Folks are starving in Darfur. It's a lot for a president to keep straight.
That's why I feel so good knowing that today, after his lunch with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and before his afternoon meetings, President Bush will take time from his busy schedule to meet with the contestants from American Idol 5, who are currently on tour. I'm sure his advisers would probably like to have time to schedule another security briefing or such, but, hey - you gotta make time for the important things.
What the hell ... aren't we supposed to be at war? Why doesn't anyone act like it. The troops are enjoying Pizza Hut and movies in the Green Zone, and the President is schmoozing Kat McPhee. We're becoming so goddamn comfortable with the whole thing, there's no real incentive to end it, is there ...
A cynic might think this rant was just an excuse to run a picture of the aforementioned Ms. McPhee ... and they'd probably be right ...
Yesterday, a story came across the wires about a positive test result having been found in the recently-completed Tour de France. At that time, the rider and team were not named, but, considering that the 180-odd riders were tested multiple times over the three weeks of Le Tour, I wasn't really surprised that one might be positive. Today, though, came the news that the rider in question was Tour winner Floyd Landis, and that the sample was taken after his epic win in Stage 17. I was shocked, to be sure, and saddened, but again, I wasn't really surprised.
Professional cycling has had issues with performance enhancing drugs for decades. In the '90s, several scandals rocked the sport, culminating with the Festina scandal during the '98 Tour. Many believe it was only the emergence of Lance Armstrong, and the positive publicity he brought to the sport, that saved cycling from oblivion. With Armstrong enjoying his first season of retirement, the scandals returned. Several top riders and one entire team were prevented from starting the race due to allegations of doping, and now the winner is under a similar cloud. This will be a difficult one to survive.
To be clear, there's no real evidence that Landis did anything wrong. His primary sample from Stage 17 showed a unusual ratio of testosterone to other hormones, but not an illegal level of testosterone. The B sample is currently being tested, but as Landis himself stated today, there's no reason to believe the result will be different. Such is the ass-backward system used in France that the burden will be on Landis and, to a lesser extent his Phonak team, to justify the results of the tests. There's no such thing as "innocent until proven guilty" in this case. And even if the hot-shot doctor he hired to help clear his name is successful, it's unlikely he will ever fully remove the stain from his reputation.
I don't know if Floyd cheated in the Tour. He has stated that he did not, and is "astonished" by the results. But he's also a guy who will undergo a potentially career-ending operation in a month, and one can only imagine the pressures that come with such a situation or the lengths to which an athlete might go to give it all they have. No matter how it ends, though, professional cycling will need to take immediate and significant steps to avoid being written off by the public. If you reach a point where you cannot trust the athletic feats to be pure, you have nothing.
I've been a big Steely Dan fan back to my college days, when their wryly intelligent lyrics helped me develop the snark you all benefit from now. I was thrilled when they released "Two Against Nature" a few years ago, and pleased when they were rewarded with a stack of Grammy Awards for their efforts.
Now, however, I fear time - and perhaps a little chemical assistance - may have taken its toll on the duo of Becker and Fagen. If a note posted on their website is to be believed, they're seriously torqued over the apparent similarities between their song "Cousin Dupree" and the lightweight summer flick "You, Me and Dupree".
What we suspect may have happened is this: some hack writer or producer or whatever they call themselves in Malibu or Loz Feliz apparently heard our Grammy winning song "Cousin Dupree" on the radio and thought, hey, man, this is a cool idea for a character in a movie or something. OK, the "cousin" idea was no doubt eliminated so as to not offend the Fundamentalist ticket buyers in the Flyovers. Nevertheless, they, like, took our character, this real dog sleeping on the couch and all and put him in the middle of some hokey "Down and Out in Beverly Hills" ripoff story and then, when it came time to change the character's name or whatever so people wouldn't know what a rip the whole thing was, THEY DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO THINK UP A NEW FUCKING NAME FOR THE GUY!
The letter, addressed to Luke Wilson - brother of the movie's lead Owen - goes on to suggest that the right thing to do would be for Luke to convince Owen to come to the Dan's show at Irvine and "apologize to our fans fans for this travesty." They even offer to load them up with Steely Dan tour swag and let them hang with the band.
Either this is the last dying gasp of a '70's throw-back group - or the smartest damned PR ploy I've ever seen. Lord knows it's getting a lot of play in the media ... and like they say - the only bad publicity is no publicity ...
I consider myself a web professional. I've spent a long time building and maintaining sites, and like to think I've learned all the needed lessons of life on the web, most the hard way.
Add one more to the list.
Around 9:45 this morning, I take a break from my busy day at the satellite factory and go to check out the site. See if anyone has made any new postings at the Marlin Club, added a new report to the Trip Reporter, or - God forbid - put a comment on one of the blog entries. But rather than the beloved teal and blue of SCMO, I get a Network Solutions splash page adorned with the following:
"This domain has expired and is awaiting deletion"
Yikes! What the hell is going on!!
Even worse than the statement above, there another that asks if visitors would be interested in signing up for this domain name - and a button to make it easy! Damn - that's how I lost sharkin.com years ago ... I'll be damned if I let that happen again.
Fortuntely, there was a second button for the registered owner - me - to pull his head out of his ass and renew the domain. It's now mine for another 5 years, and they even pulled the splash page down (although it did take a pleading phone call to waive the normal 24 hour period).
So the lesson of the day is understand when your domains expire and lock 'em up early!!!
To Hell With Driver's Licenses - Time to License Parenting!
This is a quote from a parent talking about her daughter. I'll let you read it before trying to put into some kind of context:
"She has a flair for the dramatic," Patricia Ann Kay said. "I have never tried to stop my children from doing whatever they want. As long as they are happy, aren't hurting anyone, and it's keeping them out of the poor house."
The daughter whose childhood she is describing is Linda Kay, a 31-yr old New Jersey exotic dancer at - get this - an all-nude juice bar. She was arrested today when the police responded to a report of a possibly suicidal person at the address and found a severed head in a jar of formaldehyde on a bedroom dresser. Oh, and there were also 6 human skulls in the bedroom.
Apparently, Ms. Kay isn't a murderer, just someone with a macabre need to collect things. She's free on bail for as-yet-unnamed charges, and her mother must be soooo proud ...
Look, I'm not going to try and tell you how to raise your kids, but we should damned well hold the parents accountable for the results. Aside from the obvious fact that our society hangs in the balance based on the ability of those raised children to perform, I ought to be able to get my juice in a skank-free zone ...
I've been at this blog thing for about two months now, so you'd think I'd have it mastered, wouldn't you.
Wrong.
I face a real challenge here at SCMO. I'm the sole author of everything you find here - Numero Uno; the Big Guy, the Head Cheese. It's not for lack of trying to find other authors, mind you (and if you want to write something, please let me know ... please!)
The biggest problem is that I have to use different "voices" for different sections. In the Marlin Tutorial, I'm the sage professor. At the Marlin Club, I'm the even-tempered moderator. For the Fishing News, I'm the professional journalist. And for the MarlinBlog, I'm the wiseass observational comic. Imagine the therapy time this is going to cost me ...
Unfortunately, at times I get confused and use the wrong voice in the wrong place. Man, can that be a kick in the balls!
I got a real good example yesterday. A posting was made in the Marlin Club about an mate who was inadvertantly speared by a 800-lb marlin. You probably heard about it - it was all over the news.
In the original posting, the poster talked about the circumstances of the incident, including the fact that the anglers had intended to take the marlin for the tourney they were in. Now, I could have taken the time to research the incident, or even waited to let the magnitude of the accident set in. But no, I just focused on the dead fish. It's red cloth in front of the bull for me. And rather than talk about the lessons we could learn from this, or talk about how fortunate he was, I chose to make a snarky comment about "karma being a bitch". Bad move.
I got my ass handed to me - and rightly so - by some of the most respected marlin anglers in the world, not to mention personal friends of the victim. Now, I'd love to take my comments back, but I can't, so all I can do is take it like a man.
Respect is a hard-won commodity, and I have gained my share over ten years at SCMO. But as the man said, one "oh shit" trumps a thousand "attaboys", and I'm paying a high price from my respect reserve today ...
UPDATE: For what it's worth, I'm not the only guy fucking up in this fashion - Ken Jennings tried to be funny about Jeopardy in his web blog and it went over about like you'd expect. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you ...
Between the weather in St. Louis and the weather in SoCal - identical in type if not scope - I layed low this weekend and just watched sports ...
- As a golfer, I find nothing as artistically beautiful as watching Tiger Woods surgically dismantle a golf course as his competitors each take their shot and fade away. At the Open Championship, first Sergio, then Ernie and finally Chris each tried to hang with Tiger and failed. Any time the third round leader has the best final round of anyone on the leaderboard, he's gonna be tough to catch, and it's even more so if his name is Woods.
It was also gratifying to see his reaction at the end of the round as he broke down and let out what was certainly an incredible amount of emotion. Tiger has been criticized by some as being aloof and mechanical with the media - much like Michael Jordan earlier - so to see so public a display of raw emotion should only bring his fans closer.
- Jared Weaver is now 7-0 for the Angels to begin his career. The last guy to start 8-0 was the chubby kid from Mexico, and we all know where Fernandomania drove the Dodgers. Meanwhile, the Boys in Blue continue their slide. I'm not sure what is more embarassing - the fact that the Cardinals swept the season series for the first time in over a century, or that ex-pat Jeff Weaver - who couldn't even hang with the Angels - got one of the wins.
- Meanwhile, the Marlins just keep on winning. Remember when they were predicted to lose 100 games? They'd have to go 17-48 the rest of the way to do that - and even the Dodgers aren't that bad ...
- Somehow, Floyd Landis overcame it all and won the Tour de France. Some are trying to call this one a classic, but I'm not sure. It was definitely different, though - the top 5 finishers from last year failing to return, Landis' Phonak team failing to run down a breakaway that initially cost him the maillot jaune, Floyd's own epic bonk in yellow followed the next day by a display of grit in the Alps that was Lance-like. And he did it all with an arthritic hip that will be replaced in a month - and I'm told will end up on eBay (seriously!). It was a wild ride, and in the end all that matters is who ends up at the top of the podium in France, and this time, it's Floyd Landis. Enjoy the view, Floyd - you earned it!
All I wanted to do was experience a little genuine Midwest weather ... feel the gentle rain ... smell the wet air ... look for horseys in the clouds ...
I did not ask for the Storm of the Century, but apparently I got it. That little storm that blew through in my last entry turned out to be a real monster. It blew out windows at Busch Stadium, knocked down dozens of trees, and left hundreds of thousands without power. And, as you might have guessed by now, took away my Internet connection.
The first sign that things might not be normal was when all the local TV channels were off the air on Thursday morning. Watching the Weather Channel in my hotel room, I could see that things were worse than I had thought, and SportsCenter was replaying the tape from the Cardinals game of the wind shredding the field tarp. Even so, I think we knew less of the magnitude of the crisis than those outside the greater St. Louis area.
I was in meetings all day Thursday, and early in the morning there was an announcement that a "boil water order" was in effect, and had closed the cafeteria. Shortly thereafter, the coffee provided for the meeting was confiscated, since the water quality was in question. That afternoon, the point was driven home when the notice at left was found in my room - with a complementary bottle of water ...
One of our team members landed in St. Louis just after the storm had hit the airport, and told stories of being led through a pitch-black terminal by the light of a cell phone. I was happy to have missed that as I listened to the weather report Friday morning in preparation for a 1 PM flight. The forecast - another severe storm. By 10:30, we were on our way to drop off the rental car, and it was clear that the storm was going to hit before we were airborne. As I fueled the car at a nearby gas station (which, I later learned, was one of the few in town with electricity - hence the large lines I saw), I could see the storm bearing down from the north. We pulled into the drop-off line at Alamo and pulled our bags out of the car to wait for the lot attendant. Just then, the first drops of rain fell, and I sensed they weren't the last. In the time it took me to open the trunk, restow the bags and jump back in the car, I was soaked - it was like standing in front of a fire hose.
For the next 45 minutes, we were treated to an amazing show. Absolute torrential rain - at least several inches - accompanied by wicked bolts of lightning. About 10 minutes into the storm, a stray bolt hit a transformer about 100 yards away, causing it to explode and power to go out all around us. At this point, I'm thinking the chances of getting out of town on time are pretty slim, but what the hell - it's Friday. Clearly, though, others didn't see it that way, as several folks abandoned their cars and sprinted for the shuttle bus without bothering to go through the check-in process. I was considering the same, but I knew that the flights would have to be delayed, and besides - I needed the receipt! Fortunately, after about half an hour the rain slowed and the lot attendants reappeared. We checked the car in and were directed to a small hut that housed the tram stop. At least it was dry, but there was 2 inches of water sheeting across the lot - and through the hut. Oh, and it was solid aluminum - just what you want in a lightning storm. But we made it to the airport and, after an hour and a half delay to straighten out all the flights re-routed by the storm, got our flight home.
I just love business travel.
As a post-script, the Governor of Missouri declared a State of Emergency, and President Bush a Federal Disaster Declaration for St. Louis. This morning I heard that there are still 450,000 residents without power, and the temperature is still hovering around 100.
I don't get back to the Midwest often, and, raised in California, I've never experienced a lot of what makes the region special.
One of the things I really wanted to witness was a real midwest thunderstorm, but the weather didn't seem likely. Wrong. I'm getting my wish right now in a big way. Awesome lightning show going on accompanied by booming thunder and buckets of rain (click on the map and you can see just how intense it is - I'm in the crosshairs ... literally!). The power is out in the hotel (god bless the wireless connection), and it appears to be so for at least a couple of blocks, since signals are down as well.
You can hear the thunder roll across the plains for miles and now that the sun is going down the only illumination is the lightning. Of course, it's still 90 degrees outside ... ouch! Damned impressive show - sure beats watching SportsCenter. I'm gonna curl up in the window bay and enjoy it.
Greetings from sticky St. Louis. I'm writing this from your basic roadside box-style hotel, watching what passes here for traffic slide by on I-270.
I knew it was gonna be pretty opressive here, but man ... what a sauna! The good news is that while spending the afternoon at the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial (the Arch to the rest of us), I was in an underground air-conditioned building. That changed quickly when we headed up the tram to the top of the arch, as you might imagine. I asked the docent working at the top how he could handle it - he just grinned and pointed at his fan.
It's a long wait in a lot of lines, but the vantage is worth it. Now if only there was something to see from up there ... Anyway, this is what you see looking straight down - and it's a long way (600ft)!
You Might Want to Ease Up On Those Fruity Drinks ...
You'll recall we already documented Pam Anderson's apparent love of big boats. You'd think with all that experience, she'd have a better understanding of how to get out of a tender.
Of course, this also could be related to the news coming across the wires this morning that her on-again / off-again relationship is on again, so much so that they're said to be tying the knot this weekend. The location? Where else - a megayacht.
The lesson here, kids, is that you shouldn't make life decisions with a margarita in your hand ...
I'm off to the Gateway City on business for the next three days. My itinerary is pretty packed, but I'm sure I'll find time to squeeze in an entry or two. Maybe even some nice shots from the top of the Gateway Arch ... or at least it's base ...
It seems at times that the whole world hates America. Looking around at Americans, sometimes I can understand why. We are, as a group, greedy, lazy, self-centered, self-righteous, intolerant and shallow. Frankly, most Americans care more about Ashlee Simpson's new nose job than about the starving people of Darfur. But that's who we are and that's how it is, and I'm not going to change that.
I do get frustrated, though, when a group of Americans goes out of their way to demonstrate to the world just how ugly the Ugly American can be. Case in point: Our folks in Lebanon.
Right now, Lebanon is being turned into a little slice of Hell. I'm not going to go into why that is, as that's a whole 'nother issue that isn't germain to this topic. But the bombing is creating panic among the many foreigners living in Beirut and the surrounding cities, and they all want to get the hell out. Everyone's government is working to get their people out of the country and over to Cyprus. But it seems it's only the Americans that are complaining about it.
There are a lot of Americans living in Lebanon - one report I saw quoted a figure of 25,000. Some are there at the behest of the American Government as diplomats and their families, but most are their by their own choice. They've gone to Lebanon to study, or to work, or to be with their extended families, but it was a voluntary decision - and that is key.
The Federal Government has an obligation to protect its citizens, which is why we go to war and clamor about building fences around the borders. But if you choose to go abroad, it is unreasonable to assume that you will receive the same level of protection. Yes, Uncle Sam has always been willing to lose ten Marines to save one civilian, but as an American living outside America you cannot automatically expect that someone will come to your rescue. You need to be responsible for your own safety.
Don't tell that to the folks in Lebanon. They're too busy complaining that the rescue isn't coming fast enough or that they can't take enough luggage with them. My favorite is the indignation they show when they find out that once in Cyprus, they have to pay their own way home.
"They were not getting enough communication out to those who need help. They need a lot more communication and a lot more help to them," evacuee Renee Codsi, a Lebanese-American, said.
The U.S. Embassy in Beirut tried to calm impatient Americans, saying everyone who wanted to will get out, just not all at once. U.S Ambassador Jeffrey D. Feltman said more than 300 will leave Lebanon Tuesday — but not all via U.S. transportation — and 1,000 more on Wednesday. But the government help isn't free.
"Yes, we are the only ones being charged to evacuate," said Codsi. "So I want to send the bill to the Israeli government and have them pay for it."
My take? Leave the ungrateful bastards in Beirut. They chose to seek fortune and fame outside America, and the risks that go with it. Ending up in a war zone is just one of those risks.
I consider myself to be politically right of center, but I'm not going to try and defend all of the policy decisions of the current administration. One thing is undeniable, however - no matter how much people may disagree with the decisions made by George Bush, they continue to like him as a person.
This dichotomy is easier to explain than most people realize. Put simply, George is one of us. Unlike many of his predecessors - or his VP - there is a sense that George would be a good guy with whom to knock back a beer ... er, sip a cup of coffee. While the administrative machine that insulates and protects him prevents us from seeing much of the Real George, every once in a while, it slips through.
Earlier this morning, I was considering a blog entry about the situation in the Middle East. As I watched the region rapidly devolve towards all-out warfare, I thought "man, I wish these guys would just knock this shit off." I'm sure that's a sentiment shared by many who would just as soon not see another war break out on the planet.
Apparently, I'm not the only one thinking this way. This morning, after listening to a presentation by UN General Secretary Kofi Annan on their proposals regarding the ongoing violence in Lebanon, Bush was overheard by the Russian press stating his thoughts to British Prime Minister Tony Blair:
"See, the irony is, what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over,'' Bush said.
See? He thinks just like we do. Now if only he knew how to turn his words into actions ...
Bush watchers will recall that this isn't the first time he got caught by an open mic. But these little insights into the Presidential mind just make him seem more human. I wonder ... do you think Karl Rove orchestrates these "slips" ...
Nothing better to wake up to than the sight of space shuttle Discovery gliding to a safe landing in Florida. This mission was everything NASA managers could have wanted it to be, and the one thing they needed it to be - boring. No surprises, no controversies, no issues. Just get it up, git 'er done, and get it home.
We will never have the innocence we had before Challenger, nor the confidence we had before Columbia. But hopefully, the final few years of the shuttle program will allow us to complete the International Space Station and build momentum for future programs.
I just realized it's been a couple of days since I've had an entry that included an attractive woman (no, I don't count Miss 911 ...)
Since I do have a reputation to maintain, I'll end the week with the hottest thing on four wheels - Danica Patrick, making her way down the red carpet Wednesday at the ESPYs.
There's been a lot of talk about Danica jumping from the IRL to NASCAR, but I think it's just that - talk. If you know her career, then you know that she's taken steps since turned a teenager that prepared her for one thing - winning at Indy. Yes, NASCAR is very popular and a driver can earn obscene amounts of endorsements, but the girl already has the endorsement thing locked down. She'd be a big story going to NASCAR, but just one of 40-some drivers trying to win each week. Staying with the IRL means competing against less than 20 drivers each week, no learning curve and remaining as the absolute focal point of the IRL publicity machine.
In the end, I think she's irritated at some of the decisions made by Rahal-Letterman Racing (wrong chassis choice) as well as some bad luck (no longer the only ones with Honda engines). Her contract is up at RLR at the end of this season, and she wants a ride with one of the IRLs Big Three - Penske, Ganassi or Andretti-Green. And believe me - she'll get it ... even if Tony George has to broker the deal personally. With the stock of open wheel racing in America dropping daily and the possibility of a real IRL / Champ Car merger a real deal, TG needs all the ammo he can get if he hopes to compete for sponsorship cash with NASCAR. The only real wild card he has is Danica - and he's not about to let her get away.
BLOG FEATURE UPDATE: Just added a new trick to the MarlinBlog ... just click on Danica to get the full-size picture!
We've all heard the touching stories of children who've called 911 to save their parents, or of operators whose lives were changed by staying on the line with someone. This isn't one of those.
This is the city: Aloha, Oregon. A Portland suburb, where good men are apparently few and far between. One can only assume that was what resident Lorna Jeanne Dudash was thinking when she called 911 trying to track down an attractive deputy sheriff who paid her a visit earlier in the evening.
"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."
After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.
"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.
I'm sure you already know the punchline - she got her return visit from the deputy, when he arrested her for abusing the 911 system.
The original visit was in response to a noise complaint by her neighbors. Considering Oregon's rather permissive attitude towards recreational drugs, I'm thinking they might have been involved as well ...
UPDATE: Because I knew you wanted it, I found the mug shot of the aforementioned Ms. Dudash. I particularly enjoy the tattoo peeking out on the left side of her neck.
It was the worry of waking up next to women like this that made me give up drinking ...
So, I'm driving back to work from lunch today along Westchester Parkway on the north side of LAX. Not only is it a quick way back to the plant from where I was parked at the beach, but it affords a good view of the airport, and I'm something of a plane nut.
Parked among the aircraft out front of the maintenance hangers sits an all-white, unmarked 747. All the windows are painted over save those in the upstairs lounge. Not a mark on the plane so far as I could see as I sailed past - not even a visible registration number.
This got the juices flowing, so when I got back to my office I consulted the source of all knowledge - Google. I punch in "all-white 747" and what do you know - a hit! Not only did they have this picture - which is a dead ringer for what I saw, but there was this entry:
An unmarked, all white, Boeing 747 Jumbo jet approaches landing at LAX, Los Angeles, California - I don't know what the deal is with these all white planes but have seen some since
... and it cuts off there.
So ... is there a simple answer, or is the meaning deeper ... and more sinister (insert evil laugh here).
Anyone have the answer to these mystery planes - or at least a good theory? Drop me a line!
I'll admit it - with the exception of Kathy Griffin, I'd rather pluck out my eyelashes one by one than be forced to watch reality shows. Just seeing the way so many of my fellow humans are willing to make an ass of themselves just for exposure makes me want to look for a new home planet.
At the head of the list of reality TV is, of course, American Idol. Never seen it. Never wanted to. But if you watch any TV at all, you can't avoid it. News shows, "news" shows, interview shows - and God knows any show on Fox - they all try to ride the AI gravy train. So even though I've never seen an episode, I know that Kat McPhee has a great rack and some gray-haired dude named Taylor Hicks won the most recent season.
Thanks to our friends at the Ford Motor Company, I can no longer say I've never seen the aforementioned Mr. Hicks, as they have plastered his new commercial all over the airwaves. My thoughts?
WTF ... this is the American Idol? His performance of something apparently titled "Possibilities" (I assume this only because it's the only word I could understand in his delivery) reminded me of a bulemic Joe Cocker - not the real JC, mind you, but the epileptic version portrayed dead-on by John Belushi in the SNL heyday. If this is the best he can do, America should have gone with The Rack ...
Two things I want to point out. First, I have nothing against the post-AI careers of their winners. You'll find both Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson on my iPod (and, from what I hear, Chris Daughtry may one day make it as well).
I don't know if the second point is a sad commentary on my ability to judge the American people or the American people's ability to judge talent - probably both. While searching for the Hicks pic above, I stumbled across a blog that was talking about the commercial and was loaded with comments like the following:
Good on ya, Ford! I have always been a GM girl but, if I could, I would buy a Ford TODAY just to make Tay look good...and because I appreciate having him on my tv screen again. We love him that much!
Clearly, Ford is a lot smarter than the rest of us ... and that's pretty sad.
For the past 10 days, I've been watching the Tour de France and trying to suppress a yawn. I knew that the retirement of Lance Armstrong (who was apparently quite the stud hosting the ESPYs last night - we'll see on Sunday) would have a significant impact on the race, and the withdrawl and injury to many of the contenders would shake up the peleton. But even I didn't think it'd take until Stage 11 for a leader of the race to emerge.
A half-dozen guys had pulled on the maillot jaune before Floyd Landis got his chance, but none had Floyd's ability to keep it. Racing smart and steady on a day when many of the remaining favorites faded (George Hincapie was 18 clicks behind the leaders at the beginning of the final climb, for example), Landis finished the stage third just behind a surprisingly strong Levi Leiphimer. The charge left Floyd with an 8-second lead over yesterday's leader, Cyril Dessel, and over a minute on the rest of the field.
The other contenders, meanwhile, continue to collapse. The Discovery Channel team, desperate for a post-Lance leader and trying their best to put on a brave face, came apart at the seams today. Their best placed rider was 4'10'' off the winner, and the two riders vying for the team lead - Popovych and Hincapie - were 6'25" and 21'23" behind, respectively. Welcome to obscurity, boys ...
Next up are three relatively easy stages with a rest day before the classic climb up L'Alpe-D'Huez. If his Phonak team can protect his lead until Tuesday, Floyd Landis could put a headlock on the field with a dominant performance. We'll see ...
It's hard to believe, but there was a time when there was not one, but two professional football teams in Los Angeles. But since 1994, when the Rams left to become the "greatest show on turf" and the Raiders left to become, well, the Raiders, it's been all quiet on the NFL front.
There are those of us, though, who believe there will once again be football in Los Angeles. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but it will happen. This is La-La, though, so if we're going to swing a franchise, we need an edge ... a gimmick ... something that the others just don't have.
I've been doing my part, working hard scouring the ballfields and beaches looking for just the right kind of person to lead our effort - someone who has that special something. So I'm happy to present to you the quarterback for the new LA franchise, Jessica Biel.
I'm off to scout the Lingerie Bowl for a couple of wide receivers and a tight end ...
Let's say you're in the public eye at the biggest possible event. You do something so wrong, so heinous, that it far overshadows the event itself. What do you do?
Here's what you don't do - you don't try to justify your actions. And yet, that's just what Zinedane Zidane, heatbutter extraordinaire, tried to do today. After his actions resulted in his expulsion from the championship match of the World Cup, arguably contributing to his French team's loss to Italy, everyone has wanted to know one thing - why.
Today we found out. Zidane held a series of interview with the French press to try and rebuild his tattered reputation. But rather than step up to the microphone, hat in hand, and accept responsibility for his actions, he tried to blame the Italian he attacked, saying he'd insulted his mother and sister.
"I would rather have taken a punch in the jaw than have heard that," Zidane said, stressing that Materazzi's language was "very harsh."
... snip ...
The France captain said he felt no regret for his act, "because that would mean [Materazzi] was right to say all that."
"My act is not forgivable," Zidane said. "But they must also punish the true guilty party, and the guilty party is the one who provokes."
Please ... how lame is that. Anyone who has played sports has dodged this kind of insults from grade school. They haven't invented the insult yet that would justify his actions.
He had a chance - one chance - to separate himself from the sporting bullies of the past. But by dodging responsibility for a totally irrational act, he has permanently linked himself with Juan Marichal, Kermit Washington, Todd Bertuzzi and Mike Tyson in a very small and very unenviable club.
So Trevor Hoffmann blows the save and the National League snatches defeat from the jaws of victory ... again. Phil Garner is going to have a tough time living this one down. I didn't expect Dan Uggla to get playing time, but Miguel Cabrera - third in last night's Home Run Derby - went in as a defensive replacement in the 9th and got no at bats. Trust me, Phil - this guy's not there for his defense. But then, you got a chance to see that, didn't you. Nomar Garciaparra - leading the league in batting - never gets off the pine. Not a managerial masterpiece, and whoever wins the NLCS will pay the price.
First the World Series and now the All-Star Game ... how does it feel to be Ozzie Guillen's bitch, Phil?
The down side of being hilarious is that it takes a lot to make me laugh. This is particularly true when it comes to TV - eeech! Two shows that can get a giggle out of me periodically are The John Stewart Show and it's over-the-top spin-off, The Colbert Report.
Most folks don't know it, but before becoming the political "reporter" on John Stewart, Colbert starred with Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello in a largely-unwatched Comedy Central show called "Strangers With Candy". The show didn't last, but the three managed to get it into movie form which is now being released.
Last night on The Colbert Report, the three of them held a most unusual reunion that simply must be watched. I dare you not to laugh ...
It might be a dull day for you, but it's not in the world of the blogger. Between new pictures of Pamela Anderson's rack and Paris Hilton's snatch, it's been a big day for celebrity skin.
I'm going to do you a favor and save you from those particular sights (although you can drill down through the links if you must - "I must ... I must ..."). But I did want to give you a little something to kick off your week.
It came down to Mariah Carey's cleavage or Kate Hudson in a bikini. I'm going to go with Kate, not because she has a new flick coming out (catch it quick - it should be on DVD by next week) but because I marvel at anyone who can be that thin when it wasn't that long ago they were popping out a youngin ...
- The World Cup final match wasn't as spectacular as one might have hoped, but I was glad to see the Italians win. I really felt they got screwed on the call that lead to the French PK, and I was worried once it went to PKs in the end. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell the French where the net was ...
- Not sure what Marco Materazzi said to cause Zinedane Zidane to lose his head (and use his head), but it must have been spectacular. There was no excuse for the headbutt, but it's still a shame to end a spectacular career in such a fashion. The French press were savaging him in Monday's papers - "how will you explain your actions to your 4 children". He's likely to go down with Mike Tyson munching on Evander Holyfield's ear ...
- No question that the stock in NASCAR has been on the rise in the last decade, but if you had any doubts that the circuit has outgrown it's redneck heritage, all you had to do was be at this weekend's race in Chicago. Current F1 driver and former Indy 500 champ Juan Montoya was on site to announce he'll run a stock car next year for Chip Ganassi (for whom he raced IndyCars before). Less visible but no less impactful, the parents (and career mentors) of current IndyCar darling Danica Patrick were snarking around, inquiring into interest in having their daughter run stockers next year after her current contract with Rahal Letterman Racing expires. NASCAR has reached the big time, without a doubt ...
- My Beloved Florida Marlins enter the All-Star Break with a 38-48 record - not exactly pennant winning numbers, but far from the 50-win season a lot of pundits predicted for the Fish. Considering how poorly they played in the beginning of the season, the team is a lot better now than the record would indicate. I think a .500 finish is definitely a possibility ...
- Roy Oswalt of the Astros learned a valuable lesson in going from the penthouse to the outhouse last night. Forced to pinch-hit in extra innings when the 'Stros ran out of position players, he laced a double down the left field line and cruised into second base. His joy was short-lived, though, as the Cardinals appealed that he missed first base and he was called out. That's a mighty long walk back to the dugout, eh Roy?
- Everyone was waiting to see how Phil and Tiger would react this weekend at the Western ... er, Cialis (tadalafil) Open. This was their first appearance after a memorable US Open, and the golf world was watching. After the first round, the talk was would Tiger make the cut (he did by one), while Phil cruised just out of the lead. That all changed pretty quick - Tiger tied for second, while Phil slogged home T65 at +3. This is not a hard course; if Lefty had that much trouble, one can't but believe the issue is in his head and not his hands ...
Big boats, that is. Now this doesn't come as any real surprise, of course. But now I have scientific data to prove the point. Well, at least as scientific as two world class middle aged sex queens both spending their summer enjoying the comforts provided by world class large yachts. And of course, I'd never leave you without the proof ...
Rachel Hunter:
Pamela Anderson:
Something to keep in mind when you're eyeballing that new Parker trailerboat ...
I have to confess ... Kathy Griffin is my guilty pleasure. She's funny, she's smart, she's snarky, she's redheaded ... she's me with bigger breasts. I love her comedy specials on Bravo, and I especially love her show "My Life on the D-List" ... it's the only reality show I'll admit to watching.
It was a little weird when the second season started filming just about the same time as tabloid rumors started about her divorcing her husband, Matt Moline. It was even stranger when Matt was still on the show - as her husband. A couple of articles have blown their cover - he's basically pretending to still be the husband for the sake of the show - and now the real truth is out. According to an as-yet-unaired segment shot for CNN's Larry King, she caught Matt dipping into the till.
"My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards from my private accounts and withdrawing money . . . That money totalled $72,000."
It's really sad. They seemed to mesh well as a ying-yang kind of a couple, and Matt seemed like a genuinely nice, if wimpish, guy. I guess you never know.
So long as I'm ranting about Hollywood, how about the way it scours the Earth for the next new starlet, then tears her to pieces once she reaches the media eye?
Case in point: This is Keira Knightly. If you saw Pirates of the Caribbean (1 or 2), you already knew ther to be a talented, Oscar-nominated actress. Yes, she has flaws - like an absolute absence of breasts - but she is still a beautiful girl.
Yet rather than celebrate the fact that she has accepted herself for who she is and avoided the no-doubt-significant pressure to go under the knife for a pair of bolt-ons, the press would rather attack her. Over the past weekend, when she should be able to enjoy the spotlight at the premiere of her latest movie, she had to defend herself against a round of articles declaring her to be anorexic.
"(The press) said to me yesterday `How does it feel to be called anorexic?' and I had no idea that I was," Knightley said. "I'm not saying there aren't people in the film industry that suffer from it, because I am sure that there are. But I'm quite sure I don't have it."
Thin, yes, but anorexic - just look at that round face!
It's no wonder so many young starlets who start out as individuals all end up as the blonde-haired, silicone-breasted, collagen-injected blow-up dolls the movie machine demands ...
Here's a question for you: Why is it that everyone in Hollywood bust their asses to make a movie or TV show that will make a boatload of money, but as soon as someone actually succeeds at, they're shredded by their peers for "selling out"? Conversely, commercial failure is often seen as a sign of "artistic merit" and rewarded with accolades.
All you have to do is look to the awards shows to see the trend. Historically, the big movie blockbusters make the money, but you'll never see their creators on the stage at the Oscars. No, instead it'll be the creators of some artsy little indie flick that no one saw - or, more likely, even cared to see.
This morning, we got another example of this process with the announcement of the Emmy nominations. Yes, the current media darlings on "Grey's Anatomy" got their share, but so did unwatched shows ("Two and a Half Men", "The Adventures of Old Christine") and cancelled shows ("Six Feet Under", "Commander in Chief"). At the same time, last year's big winners, "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives" went without a single nomination. After all, nothing is as evil as a trendy show that suddenly gets popular, and such evil must be punished!
While talking Emmys, I think this morning's nominations spotlighted another trend - with the large amount of air time devoted to reality show drivel, there's simply too few scripted shows to fill the nominations. When the "West Wing"'s Martin Sheen - who wasn't even a prominent character in the show this season - gets a nod, you know the talent pool has gotten pretty shallow. Of course, you could certainly argue that the folks who make the scripted shows are simply reaping the crop they grew by producing so much crap over the years, and that the people are voting with their remotes ...
We all have those days when we think, "Gee - I wish I didn't have to go to work today." Hell, I'm having one today. But when I have them, I always end up going in anyways, because I can never think of a good enough excuse to stay home.
Next time, though, I'm going to try the excuse given recently by a British Airways crew in New York ... "the hookers were too loud" ...
The cabin crew claimed their doors at an undisclosed hotel didn't lock and that pimps and prostitutes kept trying to enter their rooms throughout the night.
Their claim forced the cancellation of a New York-London flight, and Sky News said the airline was originally sympathetic to the claims, but had second thoughts.
"Nine other crew stayed at the same hotel and all reported fit and well for work the next day," said an airline spokeswoman. "An investigation is continuing to find out all the facts."
By now, I think we're all familiar with the term "jumped the shark". It recalls the moment when a leather-jacket-clad Fonzie on water skies tried to jump over a shark in a blatant - and failed - attempt to bolster sagging ratings. The term can be applied to any entity that tries pathetic means to save themselves, but is most often used in relation to some kind of entertainment effort. It's a term I use often, so I thought it appropriate to periodically point out those who've jumped. Our first candidate: ESPN.
Back when ESPN was founded in 1979, there wasn't a lot of sports content available, As a result, some pretty strange things found their way onto the network. A lot of fringe sports - and some that aren't even really sports (cheerleading??) served the purpose of filling round the clock airtime. Over time, though, as the network became more established and was able to secure more "mainstream" programming, it developed into an essential part of any male's daily life. ESPN helped to popularize once-fringe sports like NASCAR and will be the new home of Monday Night Football beginning this fall.
I've forgiven them when they've dabbled in so-called "original programming" - movies and TV series, basically; after all, the "E" does stand for "entertainment". But I've always trusted the management to recognize when the ship is off course and, with a gentle hand, bring things back on track.
So it is with some dismay that I see evidence that the network has slid back into providing an outlet for the fringe sports again. I understand the periodic dalliance with one-time events like the National Spelling Bee or yesterday's Hot Dog Eating Contest from Nathans. But it's far worse than that. They are at the forefront of the effort to turn poker into a sport, which would put them on my list by itself were there not so many others trying the same thing. But paintball? Lacrosse? Hell, yesterday I saw a dominos tournament - dominos!
I don't know if they've lost too much of their mainstream programming, or their "mickey mouse" management is trying to cut costs. Whatever the reason, it's earned them the first MarlinBlog Jumped the Shark Award.
I enjoyed a long 5-day weekend, so I won't pretend to remember all the sports that happened. But, much like a putrified body at the bottom of a lake, some things bubble to the surface ...
- Tony Stewart learned the hard way at Daytona that if you decide to climb the fence and go crowd surfing after you win the race, you need to know the way back to the track ...
- Amazing to see the number of contenders that were knocked out in the quarterfinals. Both England and Brazil looked flat once again, only this time it cost them. Was glad to see the Germany-Italy match decided without PKs ... the winner put in at the 119th minute was a thing of beauty - especially after 2 hours!
- Speaking of contenders knocked out, who are those guys on bikes in France and what did you do with all the contenders? If it's not doping, it's injury, and now Alexander Valverde is out with a broken collarbone. Thought it was sweet to see George Hincapie in yellow for a day - wish it could have lasted. Oh, and has anyone seen Floyd Landis? He's about the only favorite left, but I haven't heard his name mentioned once in the first few days.
- I fear the bubble may have burst for my beloved Florida Marlins, as they got back-to-back bitchslappings from the Red Sox and Nationals. On the bright side, we got two on the All-Star squad - Miguel Cabrera (expected) and Dan Uggla (totally unexpected). Dan Uggla? I'm not the Elias Bureau, but I'll bet it's been a long time since a Rule 5 Pick made the ASG as a rookie ...
- Once again, Michelle Wie got close in a major. Everyone else is saying how great she is and how it's just a matter of time, but I agree with Skip Bayless (something I never thought I'd do), who believes she's paying the price now for not playing more with her peers in the past. Tiger and Annika all learned how to close out events and win by dominating their peers at all levels - junior, college, etc. When their time came to step onto the big stage, they already knew how to win. Michelle has all the talent in the world - maybe more than the other two - but her only real win is the Women's Publinx a few years back. Her talent keeps putting her into position to win, but her lack of closing experience - and a balky putter - keep her from hoisting the cup. Don't worry, she'll get there. But it'd be nice to see the press stop kissing her ass as a 16-yr old prodigy and hold her to the same scrutiny as those whe wants to compete with ...
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I'm sure you already know the punchline - she got her return visit from the deputy, when he arrested her for abusing the 911 system.
So, I'm driving back to work from lunch today along Westchester Parkway on the north side of LAX. Not only is it a quick way back to the plant from where I was parked at the beach, but it affords a good view of the airport, and I'm something of a plane nut. 
Thanks to our friends at the Ford Motor Company, I can no longer say I've never seen the aforementioned Mr. Hicks, as they have plastered his new commercial all over the airwaves. My thoughts?
A half-dozen guys had pulled on the maillot jaune before Floyd Landis got his chance, but none had Floyd's ability to keep it. Racing smart and steady on a day when many of the remaining favorites faded (George Hincapie was 18 clicks behind the leaders at the beginning of the final climb, for example), Landis finished the stage third just behind a surprisingly strong Levi Leiphimer. The charge left Floyd with an 8-second lead over yesterday's leader, Cyril Dessel, and over a minute on the rest of the field.)
Here's what you don't do - you don't try to justify your actions. And yet, that's just what Zinedane Zidane, heatbutter extraordinaire, tried to do today. After his actions resulted in his expulsion from the championship match of the World Cup, arguably contributing to his French team's loss to Italy, everyone has wanted to know one thing - why.
I'm going to do you a favor and save you from those particular sights (although you can drill down through the links if you must - "I must ... I must ..."). But I did want to give you a little something to kick off your week. 
So long as I'm ranting about Hollywood, how about the way it scours the Earth for the next new starlet, then tears her to pieces once she reaches the media eye?
By now, I think we're all familiar with the term "jumped the shark". It recalls the moment when a leather-jacket-clad Fonzie on water skies tried to jump over a shark in a blatant - and failed - attempt to bolster sagging ratings. The term can be applied to any entity that tries pathetic means to save themselves, but is most often used in relation to some kind of entertainment effort. It's a term I use often, so I thought it appropriate to periodically point out those who've jumped. Our first candidate: ESPN.
