Where Do You Stand?

As we enter the homestretch for the 2006 political season, our country is more polarized than ever. I've never seen so many nasty ads, and even a seemingly harmless comment can be pounced upon for political gain. Sometimes, it seems that everyone must be a hard-over conservative or liberal (or just nuts).

I borrowed the following quiz from Ron Fineman's great site, On The Record. Politically, Ron and I don't see eye to eye all the time, but he has a good heart and a good mind. He put together this little quiz to help you figure out just where on the political scale you fall ...

Give yourself 5 points for every question in which you answer YES.

1. Do you support a woman’s right to have an abortion?

2. Do you support either civil unions or gay marriage?

3. Do you support a ban on assault weapons?

4. Do you support tax cuts only for middle and lower income levels?

5. Do you believe the government needs to do more to keep the environment clean?

6. Do you support amnesty for otherwise law-abiding illegal immigrants?

7. Do you support racial preferences in hiring and college admissions?

8. Do you feel the United States should first get the blessing of the United Nations before any major future military actions?

9. Do you support the use of marijuana for those with serious diseases?

10. Do you support some form of universal government sponsored health care?

Scoring:

45 - 50: Very Liberal
35 - 40: Liberal
20 - 30: Moderate
10 - 15: Conservative
0 - 5: Very Conservative

For the record, I scored 20 - a conservative moderate, just like I always say I am! I'll let you guess which four questions I answered yes to ...

Feeling bold? Post your score in the comments. Feeling really bold? Include how you voted ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:04 PM PST [link]

Monday Sports Rant

Clearly, the goblins came out early for a lot of sportsmen this weekend ...

- Congrats to the Cardinals for a thorough trouncing of the Tigers to close out the World Series at home Friday. For those of us in SoCal, it was dejavu' all over as we watched Jeff Weaver, Scott Spezio and David Eckstein celebrate on the mound. Oh, and it's pronounced "ex-stine", Bud ...

- You knew they'd lose a game they way they'd been playing; you just didn't think it would be against Oregon State. USC's dance along the razor's edge finally ended Saturday as they fell from the ranks of the undefeated. The only consolation was that realistically, they weren't going to play for the crystal football anyway - now they can focus on trying to reach the Rose Bowl. No easy matter, though. Booty looked good towards the end of the game, so Trojan fans can hold on to that ...

- The final numbers are in for the Bisbee's Black and Blue Tournament are in. Team BAD COMPANY 55 rolled the field and took home an amazing $3,902,997.50 in winnings and jackpots. As amazing as this number is, it pales when you compare it to how they won it. With 183 teams competing, they managed to catch two of the three qualifying fish in the event. That's a display of dominance like none other I've ever seen. The scary thing is that they could hold the event again tomorrow, and I'll bet they'd to the same damn thing ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:02 PM PST [link]

Eye Candy For A Cause

There are two things that are basically true about all of us. First, we are basically good people, and given the chance, will do the right thing. Of course, doing the right thing isn't always easy, so sometimes we don't do it even though we know we should. The other is that we are consumers - if it can be bought, we'll buy it!

You'd think by now someone would have figured out how to combine those two traits to do some good in the world. Oh look - someone has! U2's Bono - whose portfolio as a humanitarian is threatening to outshine his Hall of Fame rock career - has teamed up with Bobby Shriver to form the Product (Red) campaign. They've convinced major retailers such as Apple and the Gap to offer special red editions of their popular products, with a portion of the proceeds going to the effort to end AIDS in Africa. Pretty smart - and trendy!

What does this have to do with our Weekend Eye Candy, you ask? Simple - just check out Christy Turlington's ad for the Gap. One of the first to have the tag Supermodel applied, Christy is aging much like a fine wine. She attributes it to yoga; I attribute it to genes. Whatever the source, it clearly seems to be working.

Oh, and when you get done staring, please consider picking up a (Red) item or two. My personal fave is the red iPod ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:33 PM PST [link]

New Math, or Why We Hate Oil Companies

I'm all for capitalism. If you can make money, you should make money - hell, it's the American Way. But when you start to reap undeserved profits by taking advantage of your fellow man - that's just bullshit.

Today, it was announced that ExxonMobil second-largest quarterly corporate profit in history. OK, so maybe they just had a really good quarter. But wait - wasn't it just a few months ago that my butt was stinging from unholy gas prices? You don't suppose the oil companies are making profit at my expense, do you?

Like most commodities, if you take the cost of producing the product and add an appropriate profit, that represents the price to the consumer. We know that the price of crude oil has soared in the last year, which certainly explains the high cost of gasoline. But how does that impact profits?

Let's take a look at the math. First you have the cost of pulling crude oil out of the ground, or as in this case, you pay someone else to do it for you. That cost has gone through the roof. After that, there is the cost to turn that crude oil into gasoline. Unlike crude, you can assume that this is basically unchanged. Add those two together, and you essentially have the cost to ExxonMobil to generate their product. They should add a certain profit margin to the cost of the fuel, and thus have the cost to the consumer.

Now, they could determine their profit by the amount of gasoline they sell - say, taking a percentage of the cost of each gallon they sold. Their profit would increase as they sold more gasoline. But we're busy trying to limit the amount of gasoline used by consumers, both to minimize pollution and dependance on foreign oil. So that doesn't work for ExxonMobil. Instead, they take a percentage of the overall sales of gasoline - the revenue generated by the gas stations. When the cost of fuel increases, their profit increases - even though they've done nothing to earn the additional profit. Even more galling is the realization that they're getting you twice - you pay for the increased cost of crude, and for the increases profit margin created by it.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised - it was ExxonMobil that set the profit record earlier this year. But greed disgusts me, and blatant greed angers me. When you see a guy pissing on the pump the next time he fills up, that'll be me ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:34 PM PST [link]

Black Eye For The Black And Blue

When it comes to marlin fishing, there's no bigger tournament than the Bisbee's Black and Blue. Billed as the "World's Richest Fishing Tournament", this event happens at the end of October each year in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Last year's tourney gave out $3.8 million, and this year they've got over $4 million in the pot. This is a biiiig event.

Apparently not bigger than Mother Nature, however. Today would have been the first of three fishing days were it not for Tropical Storm Paul. Downgraded overnight from a hurricane, Paul passed just south of the the tip of Baja - close enough for the port captain to order the port closed for yesterday and today. The organizers will meet later today to determine how to reschedule things and give the over 300 teams a shot at the big money.

Man - wouldn't you have loved to be a bar owner in Cabo last night? All those tourney anglers fired up and ready to go - and with all morning today to sleep off the hangovers!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:00 AM PST [link]

Time For A Change

Some years back, a comic - I think Kinison - did a bit about marriage and weight gain. You marry a beautiful girl, and then the pounds start to appear. Never much - just 5 to 7 pounds a year - but over time, they add up. One day, you wake up after ten years of marriage and BAM! You're married to your mother-in-law, right down to the muu-muu.

I'm not married, and I'm certainly not a woman, but somewhere along the line I picked up the weight gain. When I went back to school in '95, it was a struggle but I kept my weight just under 200-lbs. Three years of college led to bad habits, and a certain lack of personal discipline did nothing to help over the years. I haven't jumped on the scale, but I'm quite certain I'm a lot closer to 300 than 200 now. I saw some pictures of myself from tourney season and I was appalled - who the hell is that fat guy who looks like me? This is just totally unacceptable.

Now, periodically over the years I've flirted with lifestyle changes and diets and exercise plans, but with my short attention span they never lasted. Heck, I even did the "Tour de Stance" a year ago when I rode every day the Tour de France riders did. At the end of the tour, I'd logged 263.6 miles. What does the odometer read today? Damn right - 263.6. It's not enough for me to start - I need to finish.

I kicked around a couple of options, and decided on NutriSystem. Frankly, my biggest problem is eating more than I should, and prepackaged meals should go a long way to solve the problem. Of course, that's assuming the stuff is decent-tasting. We'll find out tomorrow, because the big box o' food arrived today. No, wiseass, this isn't a picture of my food - I'll never have the patience to stack it up like that!

Of course, getting started is only that - a start. But since you have a vested interest in my success (if I die of a heart attack, where will you get your daily snark?) and this is an interactive website, it's time for you to do your part as well. If you see me over the next few months, you need to provide verbal encouragement to keep me focused on the program. But save the "you can do it" rah-rah crap for someone else. I need a different kind of encouragement. Here's one you can try: "Hey, tubby - how 'bout another donut?" Or this: "I'm sorry, but for a moment there I mistook you for Rosie O'Donnell". Feel free to lay it on thick - the meaner you get, the hungrier I'll get - for success, that is.

I'll be updating progress periodically. Just don't expect any of those pathetic before-and-after shots. Unless I find a diet that takes 25 years off, that just ain't gonna happen ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:43 PM PST [link]

Rants of a Sporting Nature

Ah, Monday ... what would men talk about if we didn't have the weekend's sports to dissect?

- Cardinals fans are probably happy to be headed to the STL with a split, but they could just as easily been up 2-0. Kenny Rogers can talk all he wants about his personal hygiene habits, but there's no question in my mind that he had a "foreign substance" on his left hand when he started last night's game. Seeing the same smudge in pictures from his earlier post-season starts just validates the point. I understand that players try to get the edge; what I don't understand is why Tony LaRussa - a lawyer, for God's sake - rolled over so easily when he could have by all rights had Rogers tossed. LA fans all remember Jay Howell's expulsion for pine tar in the '88 NLCS (or, for that matter, Marty McSorley and his overly curves stick in the '94 Stanley Cup finals). It's so obvious - and so easy - that usually the player doesn't complain. But LaRussa kept on the kid gloves, and Rogers went on to 2-hit his squad. Talk is that he didn't want to show up his long time friend, Tigers manager Jim Leyland, but that's lame. This is the biggest stage in the game, and if you can't bring everything you have, stay home. This was a game the Cardinals needed, and LaRussa let it get away. For you conspiracy theorists out there, check out ESPN.com's Uni Watch for an interesting theory about caps as a place to hide stuff ...

- Just when I was ready to write about the other Cardinals getting a win for QB Matt Leinart, they roll over and lose to the Raiders - the freaking Raiders! There goes Jim Rome's hope for the mythical "perfect" 0-16 season - and my one remaining reason to watch the NFL this season ...

- The new BCS poll is out and Trojan fans are in a tizzy. Their team dropped to third - and out of the theoretical title matchup - without even taking the field. But fear not, fans of Troy: First-place Ohio State and runner-up Michigan play each other on November 18, so someone's gonna take a dive in the numbers. Besides, watching the gutty Bruins against the Irish Saturday, I'd say you have at least two tough games to worry about before bowl bids get mailed out ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:50 PM PST [link]

Breaking Eye Candy News!

This just in ... Erica Hill is hot!

For those of you who don't know her, Erica is an anchor on CNN's Headline News channel, and also appears with Glenn Beck during the "Straight to Hill" segments, where they make fun of the news. She's smart, funny, quick, witty, and sexy. Guess which of those characteristics make her our Weekend Eye Candy ...

Of course, as a news anchor, you don't find her on the red carpet or splashed across the gossip sites, so getting a decent picture can be a bit of a challenge. And no, wiseass, I wasn't the one who wrote in for the autographed pic (you really can find anything on the internet) It's couldn't have been signed for me ... heck, it doesn't even have her phone number ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:32 PM PST [link]

Light Up Everybody!

I'm a conservative centrist (I'd call myself a "compassionate conservative", but the last guy to use that term screwed it all up). When someone proposes changing how things are done in our society, my natural instinct is to stay the course. But my centrist nature makes me look at all sides of the issue, because sometimes, change is the correct action.

Medicinal marijuana is not one of those cases. I mention this because yesterday, DEA agents raided the Green Cross clininc in Torrance, the city's only "legal" dispensary for medicinal marijuana. Ever since California passed Prop 215 in 1996, such establishments have been legal by state law. However, federal law does not recognize the medicinal benefits of pot, and such raids are commonplace. Usually, it's because the feds feel the clinics are just fronts for the legal distribution of pot for recreational use.

During the past few weeks, investigators put the business under surveillance. Bryson said he watched the business from 3:39 to 5:18 p.m. on Oct. 5, seeing 15 customers exit the Green Cross with brown paper bags.

Many of the customers parked a long distance away and walked, then "looked in all directions as they walked from the dispensary," the affidavit said.

"Of the 15 customers I observed, none appeared to be seriously ill or physically impaired," Bryson wrote. "One of the customers carried a cane, though he appeared to use the cane only when he came in close proximity to (Green Cross)."

On Oct. 10, a team of agents and police officers watched 25 customers come and go from the co-op in two hours. A police officer pulled over each customer as they drove away.

The affidavit said male and female customers admitted to buying various types and quantities of marijuana ranging from $55 to $70 for an eighth-ounce. One man, the document said, bought one-quarter ounce of marijuana for $140.

Wow ... makes a guy long for the day of the dime bag.

I can't help but wonder where the clinics get the weed they sell ... sounds like a bad Cheech and Chong movie ...

Now, I'm familiar with the recreational advantages of marijuana - after all, I was a college student in the '70s - and I'm even willing to concede the medical benefits of the active ingredient as a pain killer.

Here's what I don't get: If I have a headache, I reach for an aspirin - I don't go and pull bark off a willow tree to suck the salicyclic out of it. If the pain gets bad enough, I go to the hospital where I'm given a shot of morphine - I don't grow poppies in the back yard to make my own.

So why does anyone think that passing out baggies of pot is the appropriate way to medically administer tetrahydrocannabinol? You can't control the purity, you can't control the other ingredients and God knows you can't control the dosage. Yet supporters of medical marijuana seem to gloss over these facts.

If anyone is serious about using THC as medicine, then it should be distributed like medicine - in pill form, from a reputable pharmaceutical source, and properly taxed and regulated by the government. Anyone who needs it medically should be willing to accept this method (although we could certainly have a discussion about the state of prescription drugs in this country). Those who won't accept appropriate pharmaceutical controls for the drug clearly aren't looking to use it in a legitimate medical manner. The folks who support these pot shops aren't looking to get healthy, just high ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:50 PM PST [link]

Extreme Update

Yeah, I know they do it every week on TV, but I didn't really think they could pull off squeezing a 3200 sq ft home where an 850 was, on a tight dead end street, all in one week.

Shows what I know. Yesterday around 6PM, with the familiar shout of "Move That Bus", an LAPD bomb squad van rolled aside to reveal a brand new house for stricken officer Kristina Ripatti and her family.

Renderings show three bedrooms, including one for Jean Pearce, who has been helping the family since Ripatti was injured.

A breezeway connects the kitchen and great room to the bedrooms, and the plans show a "therapy room" outside the master suite.

Michael Moloney, the show's interior designer, said the inside is painted in blues, teals, oranges and other natural colors.

"There's a picture in the house that (Ripatti) made, and I took that as my inspiration," Moloney said.

...

"Everybody really pitched in wherever possible," she said. "They were passing out Red Bull like crazy."

Despite the short timetable for such a dramatic overhaul, Redondo Beach City Engineer Steve Huang said the home was about "98 percent finished" when he walked through Wednesday morning, and crews were working through a list of minor details.

"They have beautiful skylights. And when I was there, the sun just shined through," he said. "I'm really impressed by the fine workmanship and the decor. A lot of people put in a lot of effort and a lot of detail."

My hardhat's off to everyone who pitched in, and particularly to the residents of Freeman Blvd, who got an up-close-and-personal view of the magic of television over the last seven days.

The amazing thing is that when I drove through the neighborhood, you'd never known the crew had been their - they'd completely pulled out. Off to the next surprise, I guess ...

The Ripatti episode will air, appropriately enough, on Thanksgiving Weekend.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:14 PM PST [link]

Just Go Away and Die

Like most people, I was transfixed by the 1994 trial of football star / marginal actor O. J. Simpson for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole and her maybe boyfriend Ron Goldman. The idea of someone so famous doing something so hideous was just unfathomable. But by the end of the trial, I - again, like most people - felt he'd done it. Unfortunately, the jury disagreed, and we've had to live with this jackass rubbing our collective faces in it ever since.

Frankly, if I were Fred Goldman I'd have paid someone to rub the bastard out. What would he have to lose - he'd already lost his son. I could certainly forgive him for the sentiment.

I can even forgive the large number of African-Americans who celebrated the Juice's acquittal. I don't think even they believed he was truly innocent as much as they saw it as one that went their way for a change. Given the rather spotty justice received by blacks over the years, I can't blame them either.

The only guy I can truly blame is Orenthal. Never mind that it's so clear that he did it. Never mind that he's lived the good life in Florida while ditching the financial obligations from his civil trial. What gets me is the unapologetic way he has capitalized on his "fame" as a scofflaw. From selling weekend visits to his pathetic prank video "Juiced", the man has whored himself in every way short of gay porn.

Or so I thought. I assumed he'd sunk as low as he possibly could, but I was wrong. The National Enquirer is reporting today that Simpson has been paid $3.5 million to pen a book about the Brown-Goldman murders. He's not going to confess - but will do everything short of it.

Simpson is not actually confessing to the murder — rather, he’s writing a “hypothetical” book — which the Enquirer reports is tentatively being called “If I Did It.”

The early part of the book tells how Simpson fell in love with Nicole and how the marriage collapsed, reports the tab. He goes on, according to the article, to describe in gruesome detail the killing of his ex-wife and Goldman; he stipulates that the murder scenes are “hypothetical.” But, notes the tab, the descriptions are “so detailed and so chillingly realistic” that readers are left with little doubt as to what really happened.

Simpson can never be retried for the murders because of double jeopardy laws, according to the Enquirer, which also claims that Simpson aims to keep any book money instead of paying it out in a civil suit judgment against him by spending it all quickly.

Even discounting the spin put on by the tabloid media, this goes so far beyond anything that could be considered reputable behavior. This guy just needs to disappear, hopefully Jimmy Hoffa-style.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 05:49 PM PST [link]

Say a Prayer For a Good Man

There's a lot of crap on the internet. Frankly, most of the stuff out there is crap, and I've been at it long enough to be able to tell the difference. I have a small cadre of websites I visit regularly, and they've had to earn their way onto the list. Usually, it means providing something no one else does, or doing a better job than anyone else.

One such site is Ron Fineman's On The Record. The site provides the insight into local LA TV news that only could come from someone who's been there. And Ron is just that kind of guy, having been a reporter for both radio and television in LA and elsewhere in California. He has credibility and integrity, two things that don't often come together, and as a result the people in the business trust him with information you simply won't get elsewhere. The site is a fascinating read, and one of the few I pay to support.

Over the years, Ron has fought an on-and-off battle with colon cancer. It's been in remission several times, but now it's back and looks to be serious. You'd never guess that from Ron, though, who must be the most upbeat individual you could want to meet. But he announced yesterday that the site would be going on hiatus so he can dedicate himself fully to the fight, and I worry that it might be worse than he lets on.

All we can do is be supportive, of course, and say a prayer for Ron. I have - you should, too.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:06 PM PST [link]

Extreme Makover - Redondo Beach Edition

At any given time, I have a half-dozen home improvement projects at different stages of completion. I'm always fiddling with something around the Home Office, so I enjoy watching people who actually know what they're doing. I'll watch any home improvement show, but I have a soft spot for ABC's Extreme Makover - Home Edition. You know the show - it starts with "Good Morning So-and So Family" and ends with "Move that bus" and a lot of tears.

Each week, viewers meet a family for whom life has dealt a stinky hand. Whether death, disease, defect or whatever, each family is battling steep odds when Ty and the crew roll up. One week and a nice vacation later, they have a new home, and a new beginning. It's a schmaltzy, tear-jerking, product-placing orgy of television, but some good things are being done.

As I write this, the EM-HE team is working just a few blocks north of here. Kristina Ripatti was on patrol as an LAPD gang officer last June when she was shot by a gang member. Her husband Tim Pierce, also an LAPD officer, was one of the first on the horrific scene. Her spine severed by the slug, Kristina - mother of 20-month old daughter Jordan - is paralyzed from the chest down. Their little house in North Redondo isn't exactly ADA-compliant, and a wheelchair just won't fit. So they're getting a new home, courtesy of ABC and a whole lot of volunteers.

I actually stumbled on the site accidentally over the weekend. You just can't believe the amount of activity. The production crew has taken over Anderson Park to stage the construction, and both LAPD and Redondo Beach Police are on site providing security. They even rolled out the LAPD battering ram on Friday to knock down the house. I can't imagine the number of people who had to be bought off ... er, compensated ... for the interruption to the neighborhood. If they have any compassion at all, they won't care a bit.

The show claims to build each house in a week, but I was always sceptical. Even considering the time saved via pre-fabbed construction, I figured it was probably like one of those cooking shows where the host puts the cake batter in the top oven and "through the magic of television" pulls a completed cake out of the bottom. But Ty and his bullhorn surprised the family last Wednesday morning, and they're coming back from their vacation in Cabo San Lucas this Wednesday. Amazing!

The show is scheduled to air in November.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 12:19 PM PST [link]

Monday Sports Rant

Oh, the humanity! Where to start ...

- If anyone thought that the University of Miami football team of today couldn't live up to the reputation of their thuggish predecessors, all you had to do was watch the fight Saturday night between UM and FIU's football teams. If I had the NCAA's magic wand, I'd cancel both programs and toss their players to the curb. Absolutely no excuse for such behavior, and absolutely no reason for anyone to tolerate it. I've seen several reports talking about what a class guy Miami coach Larry Coker is and how he's firmly in control of his program, but if this is his idea of control, he needs to be shown the door as well.

- Steve Lyons was fired by Fox after making "racially insensitive" comments during Sunday's NLCS game. I didn't see the game, but I heard a tape of the comments. While by no means do I absolve Lyons of blame for his behavior, it's important to understand the difference between being racist and being stupid. Lyons is stupid, and tried to make a stupid joke. If we as a society harbor any real dream of living in equality one day, we need to be a little less sensitive and a little more tolerent - even of stupidity. If we really want to be equal, we need to be able to look at someone like Lyons and all of us - black, white, brown, whatever - think "gee - what a dumbass!"

- USC is 6 and 0. That's the good news. The bad news is that they're really only three plays away from being 3 and 3. The polls recognize it, which is why teams keep getting leapfrogged over the Trojans every week - even if it's only to lose the next Saturday. This is not the USC of Leinert and White and Bush, and they'll have to improve if they hope to get past the rest of their schedule. Fortunately, at the head of the list of folks who recognize this is Pete Carroll ...

- Three years after losing 119 games, the Detroit Tigers punched their ticket to the World Series by completing a 4-game ALCS sweep of the Oakland Athletics. A lot has - and will be - said about the coaching of Jim Leyland and the prowess of GM Dave Dombrowski (both from my beloved Marlins, BTW ...), but the real statement should be about the state of the game. Free agency has allowed huge numbers of players to move, and owners with money can reshape the team in a very short amount of time. Only a handful of players remain from that losing squad and, with the exception of Ordonez and Inge, most have not made an impact. Funny, I remember when those same team leaders brought Sheffield, Brown, Leiter and Co. into Florida in the mid-90's ... they were accused of "buying" the 1997 World Series. I guess it's like the old Doobie Bros song - "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits" ...

- I thought the strangest thing I'd see in the annual merry-go-round that is the firing of baseball managers would be the sacking of Joe Girardi by the Marlins. Wrong. Today, the A's fired manager Ken Macha despite the team making it to the ALCS. Ironically, the firing sounds a lot like the Girardi deal - not a lack of performance, but a lack of communication. Macha is one of the smartest guys in the game, and he'll land as someone's bench coach somewhere. And that team will be the better for it ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 12:16 PM PST [link]

Country-Fried Eye Candy

I have no love for reality TV, so you'd have to tie me up in front of the screen to watch something like "Dancing With The Stars". Heck, I wouldn't even know it existed were it not for the presence of country singer Sara Evans as one of the contestants. Sara has been on my short list of candidates for future eye candy entries, and it piqued my interest when it was announced yesterday that she had filed for divorce from Craig Schelske, her husband of 13 years, and simultaneously left the show to spent the difficult upcoming weeks with her three children. Today, the details came to light.

In the filing in state court in suburban Franklin, where the couple has a home, Evans alleges that Schelske watched pornography on the couples' computers and has at least 100 nude photographs of himself in a state of arousal.

She also alleges that several photographs show Schelske having sex with other women.

According to the court documents, the oldest of the couple's children confronted Schelske when he was watching pornographic material on the television in their home.

I suspect it is that last line that drove her decision to withdraw from the DWTS competition.

I'm not always the smartest guy when it comes to relationships, so maybe someone can answer the obvious question for me - what kind of horse's ass do you have to be to choose porn and adultery over this ...

I understand that, as a currently unemployed failed congressional candidate, Schelske may be feeling a bit of pressure - particularly with Sara's recent successes. But he can't possibly be under as much pressure as those buttons on Sara's blouse ...

I'm sure more details will bubble to the surface in future days, and I suspect this one will get ugly. For now, enjoy a double shot of Sara (since you only get her from the waist up, I thought you deserved two ...) from better days.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:22 PM PST [link]

Sorry, Mary ... Not This Time

Those of you who are long-time fans of SCMO may recall that during the California Gubernatorial Recall Election of 2003, I endorsed the candidacy of porn star Mary Carey, shown at right in her photo from that campaign. Mary didn't win, of course, placing tenth to the current governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, but she fought a spirited battle.

Let's face it ... while I agreed with many of her platform planks (particularly her pledge to slap a sin tax on boob jobs), her attraction lied less in her politics than in her, er, positions. After all, she was the only candidate with no skeletons in the closet - hers were right there on DVD for everyone to see! The classic blond bimbo, a little on the plump side with a little girl's giggle, she looked less like a porn star and more like the girl next door - if you lived next to a trailer park.

It's election season again here in California, and time to make my endorsement. Mary is running again, and would certainly appreciate the support of a big-time site like SCMO. Unfortunately, she's not going to get it.

The intervening years have been hard for our little candidate. First, there was the arrest last year in a strip club outside Tacoma for touching herself inappropriately while onstage (can't you just see a bunch of old men trying to define "touching inappropriately" while writing that law?). Then, Mary was fired from her production company, Kick Ass Pictures, when it came out that the breasts she so proudly proclaimed to be natural during the first campaign were, in fact, fakes. Recently, she appeared at the registrar's office with new teeth, even larger bolt-on titties, and a significant weight loss that can only be attributed to drugs or disease. I'm afraid enough's enough.

If anything, Mary should feel proud that she's achieved the ultimate political goal - how to make campaign promises, then go back on them. She used to call herself "a politician you want to be screwed by", but that's simply no longer true. Most the things that attracted her following initially - starting with the breasts - turned out to be a lie, and since her sincerity was her biggest asset (at least politically), I cannot provide my support.

Stay tuned for the announcement of our endorsement in upcoming days ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:35 PM PST [link]

Clearly A Scar Yet to Heal

It's always interesting to see the way the press can spin a relatively mundane story, particularly if there are unique attributes to it. It can say a lot about both the media and the audience they are targeting.

Today, we saw a perfect example when a small plane crashed in New York. Here in SoCal, general aviation capital of the world, these kind of crashes are common - pretty much a weekly occurance. Certainly not something to warrant a national media blitz. But today's crash was a convergence of threads that gave the story life far beyond NYC.

First, the pilot and passenger died. Certainly a tragedy, and perhaps warranting extra coverage. But then the pilot turned out to be Cory Lidle, pitcher for the Yankees. Suddenly you get even more media. Lidle had been extensively interviewed Sunday at Yankee Stadium as he cleaned out his locker after the final defeat of the Yankees at the hands of the Detroit Tigers. He wasn't any more special than the other players - just accessable at that particular time. Noteworthy in his comments was his plans to fly his plane home from New York to California. More media coverage.

Then comes the biggie - the plane collided with the 30th floor of a 50-floor condo tower on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Think about it - one month after the fifth anniversary of 9-11, a plane crashed into a tower in Manhattan. And that's the real reason this story gets the attention. The reaction of the residents of NYC - both good and bad - demonstrates just how fresh the memory remains five years later. No one who heard about this story didn't immediately think of an attack - particularly once they heard NORAD launched fighters in the immediate aftermath.

The good news is that all of the response mechanisms that performed so poorly on 9-11 worked well today. The bad news is that two people died. Another day passes in NYC ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:47 PM PST [link]

They Needed a Scientist to Tell Us This??

Men hate to admit it, but we're basically animals. Yesh, we've gone through that whole evolution thing, and we like to think that the instincts of our ancestors are behind us, but when it really comes down to it, we'd just as soon club women over the head and drag them off by the hair just like the first cavemen.

Women, of course, love to give us nothing but grief for this fact. After all, they are really the ones who've grown and matured as a species over the millenia. Or have they ...

Not according to a new study from UCLA that says women change their behavior based on their fertility cycles. Photographs taken of women showed that they frequently wore more fashionable or flashier clothing and jewelry when they were ovulating.

"They tend to put on skirts instead of pants, show more skin and generally dress more fashionably," said Martie Haselton, a communication studies and psychology expert at the University of California Los Angeles who led the study.

Writing in the journal Hormones and Behavior, Haselton and colleagues said their findings disproved the conventional wisdom that women are unique among animals in concealing, even from themselves, when they are most fertile.

They didn't need a scientific study to prove this ... all they needed to do was poll a group of single guys at closing time.

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:03 PM PST [link]

What Do You Do Once the Fifteen Minutes Are Up?

Well, apparently if you're Jennifer Wilbanks, you sue your ex-fiancee'. I see you scratching your head - the name is familiar, but you just can't place it.

One look at this google-eyed mug shot and you'll immediately remember - it's everyone's favorite Runaway Bride! They might have reconciled after her cross-country trip to avoid the pressures of marriage, but the reunion didn't last. Now, apparently desparate for cash, Wilbanks is suing the would-be groom John Mason for $500,000 - money she says was collected for the rights to their story.

Wilbanks is seeking $250,000 as her share of a home she says John C. Mason purchased through the partnership with proceeds from $500,000 received for selling their story to Regan Media in New York.

She also wants $250,000 in punitive damages for alleged abuse of the power of attorney she granted for Mason to handle their financial affairs.

She is seeking the return of personal property she claims he has kept, including the ladder that belonged to her father, a gold sofa and wedding shower gifts.

Cynics might say the only reason Mason reconciled in the first place was to cash in on the situation, but I'd say he'd earned the money for the embarassment she caused. I know that in California, felons can't benefit financially from their crimes - I'd say Georgia needs to catch up.

Say what you will about Wilbanks - she may not have a brain, but she's got balls ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:41 AM PST [link]

That Explains the Stupid Smile ...

When I was a young man, women dragged around purses that looked large enough to double as an overnight bag. In fact, one of my goals was to encourage that exact use ... but that's another story.

Today's stylish hottie clings to a little bitty purse that looks like it's not big enough for a condom and a quarter. But hey - you make your sacrifices for fashion. And naturally, no one makes that sacrifice quite like Paris Hilton.

Now, I was raised to never look in a woman's purse, but I'm not a paparrazi - they'll look anywhere. Down a blouse ... up a skirt ... in a purse. So it's no surprise that when Paris took a break for a strategic lip gloss reapplication, the cameras were right there to document the moment.

Let's see ... what's in the purse. Sunglasses ... check! Crackberry ... check! Camera ... check! Cash ... check! Weed ... oops!

It's been a few years, but I can guarantee you that's no bag of oregano peeking out of the diva's ditty bag. It's your basic dime bag - just enough for you and a friend to have a happy time no matter how boring the party. It's probably the good stuff, too ... bitch!

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:57 PM PST [link]

Ye Olde Sports Rant

A weekend of memorable sports moments - some for the right reasons, some for the wrong ...

- Well, that didn't take very long. I knew when the National League West sent two teams to the Divisional Playoff Series, they wouldn't get very far. But even I thought they'd do better than win one game between the two of them. The Mets completed a sweep of the Dodgers, who turned in a truly pathetic performance. GM Ned Coletti got a late start last winter but managed to piece together a decent squad - expect him to do some serious remodeling this time. At least the Padres won a game against the Cardinals, and in the STL no less. But they were in over their heads from the start, and it showed. The bright side? Neither team looked as impotent as the now-departed Yankees ...

- Saturday was tough for USC football fans, as the Trojans once again waited to the last play of the game to put away a lesser foe. Sunday was pretty fine for a pair of former Trojan Heismann winners, though. Matt Leinart made his first start for the Arizona Cardinals a memorable one, tossing a pair of early TDs, including a 49-yrer on his second pass of the game. Only a shanked field goal with time running out left him a loser. His former backfield partner, Saints running back Reggie Bush, finally cashed his first big play late in his game when he broke a punt return for his first NFL score. The fact that it was the game winner made it all the more sweet. Both Trojans gave glimpses of what should make them special players in the league for a long time.

- Hey, whaddya know - hockey's back! Wouldn't have even noticed were it not for the Kings new rookie sensation, forward Anze Kopitar. The 19-yr old from Slovenia had a pair of goals in Friday's opening loss to the Ducks and followed that Saturday night with three assists against the Blues. Not a bad start - too bad he's the only good news for the Kings this season ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 04:43 PM PST [link]

Candy for the Eye, Weekend-Style

C'mon, give me a break. I can only write "Weekend Eye Candy" so many time without needing to change things up a bit ...

OK, everyone, meet Paula Garces. Paula, meet everyone. I'm told Paula is a Colombian actress who's made a certain amount of , ahem ... penetration ... into the American TV and movie market. I checked her IMDB record, and it says she's been on "Law and Order SVU", "The Shield", and had bit roles in a few movies.

It's great that she's got a career but frankly, I couldn't care less.

What I do care about is how she looks walking out of a pool ... which is pretty damned amazing ...

Got a problem with that? Then go hang out with the stinky guys at one of those other fishing sites ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 02:15 PM PST [link]

Suddenly ... You're Not Half the Man You Used to Be ...

I know how it is, guys ... er, that is, I've been told how it is. You get a little older, settled in your routine, when it hits you - I'm just not the maverick in the bedroom I used to be. You wonder if that special lady in your life is getting her money's worth, as it were. You want to spice things up and nothing says "You're special, babe" like a new sexual position , but you worry - should I really bend the old lady into a pretzel only to find out I don't fully understand The Piledriver?

Not to worry - here at the ol' MB we've got you covered ...

Introducing the Karmasheetra - the first bedcovering that doubles as a sexual education tool! Just pick your favorite position, put your parts on the blue spots (and hers on the pink) and get 'er done!

Personally, I'd check to see if the chiropractor visit you'll need afterward is covered by your health insurance before you place the order ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 08:16 AM PST [link]

Just Too Stupid to Let Pass

Every once in a while, I let the MarlinBlog dabble in gossip, and every time I do, I get nasty comments. So, since nasty comments beat no comments, here we go again ...

My favorite celebrities are the ones who are famous for ... being famous. They haven't done anything to deserve our attention, but once the spotlight shines their way they'll do anything to keep it. Charo was one such celeb, but in her time she was considered the anomaly. Now, thanks to tabloid magazines and reality TV, we're hip-deep in them. And you can count on one thing - somewhere, one of them is making an ass of themselves as we speak.

In this corner - Shana Moakler. Shana was Miss USA 1995 and Playboy's Playmate of the Month for December 2001, which was how girls with big tits and no talent used to become famous pre-reality TV. She took another step up the celeb totem pole by marrying Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker and starring with him in the MTV reality show "Meet the Barkers". Things didn't go so well after the series was cancelled, and the couple filed for divorce in August. That didn't stop Shana from hitting the reality circuit once again, this time as a since-sent-packing contestant on "Dancing With The Stars 3".

And in this corner - Paris Hilton. I don't think I really need to tell you anything about her, do I?

Now, our story: Post-marriage Travis has become friends with Paris - friends with benefits, as they say. Shana, perhaps missing her soon-to-be-ex husband, perhaps fearing she was missing out on some kind of publicity opportunity, has been making her displeasure with the arraingement known wherever and whenever she can, including a series of MySpace postings.

Apparently, everything boiled over recently at Hyde nightclub, where Moakler is said to have attacked Hilton.

From the Hilton publicist:

At approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities.

From the Moakler camp:

Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs.

How can you not love this stuff?

As you might have guessed, both sides have filed police reports and are on full speed spin control.

I'm amazed that with all the time they have to spend media whoring and walking their little doggies these girls even have time to party much less fight! More to follow, you can be sure ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 06:35 PM PST [link]

Marlins Fallout

As you might expect, the unusual circumstances surrounding the Marlins firing of manager Joe Girardi and the immediate hiring of Fredi Gonzalez as his replacement has a lot of people talking. Dan LeBatard, a Miami Herald writer who knows the situation as well as anyone, has a good perspective on the situation.

Was Girardi's firing fair? Not from the outside. But the people most qualified to answer that question are on the inside. They have more data than we do, more invested in this than we do and more reasons to want the relationship to work than we do. Within reason, fair is what your boss says it is in just about every other workplace. And if Loria, team president David Samson and general manager Larry Beinfest -- a management team that can be clumsy and amateurish but does have a championship on its résumé -- say Girardi wasn't doing his job the way they wanted it done, then he wasn't doing it the way they wanted it done.

ESPN's Page 2, never one to let a opportunity pass to take a poke at someone, skewers Jeffrey Loria pretty well.

Nothing inspires employees to work harder than the constant fear of losing their jobs. That's why I've gone through four managers in just five years. Keeps them on their toes!

We haven't seen the end of this one ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:45 AM PST [link]

Rolling the Dice for Ego

As Marlins fans feared, yet expected, the team this morning fired Manager Joe Girardi. We've talked here before about this as a move driven not by need or performance but by ego, so I'm not going to flog that horse again. But you gotta believe there's a lot of guys in the Marlins front office - starting with the owner - who are working the beads pretty hard this morning, praying this all works out as planned.

Now that the ax has fallen, what does the move really mean? Presumably, sometime in the next few hours Fredi Gonzalez will be named the new Marlins manager. Gonzalez, currently on the staff of Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox, has previous managerial experience in the minor leagues and spent a decade in the Marlins organization including three years as third base coach. He was also a finalist - and the choice of General Manager Larry Beinfest - for this job last year when he was beaten out by Girardi. Ironic in the face of the current situation is the fact that owner Jeffrey Loria overruled Beinfest to hire Girardi in the first place. So one could argue that this move is some kind of mea culpa on Loria's part and a redemption for Beinfest. However, Loria's ego will never let him say that.

What do we lose with Girardi? Certainly, he brought a no-nonsense attitude that worked well with a group of raw rookies. I can't imagine another manager who could slam Scott Olson up against a dugout wall when he was being an ass - and have it work. Joe will no doubt be introduced in the next few days as the new manager of the Cubs, and he'll bring pitching coach Rick Kranitz with him. That's probably the bigger loss, since Kranitz did amazing things with the Marlins staff. But even though they leave South Florida, the lessons they taught stay behind. The team will enter next season as a proven unit - still young, but with a year's experience under their belts. Hopefully, Beinfest will be given the free hand needed to pick up a few key pieces (a center fielder and closer would be nice), and the Marlins can put this episode behind them and move on. After all, managerial crises are nothing new for the Marlins - remember Jeff Torborg's mid-season sacking in 2003? That one turned out pretty good ...

Whatever the reason for the change, Loria is taking a huge risk. Joe Girardi did far more with this team than even the most optimistic pundits could have dreamed, and his reward is a pink slip. There is the distinct possibility he will be the first Manager of the Year to be fired after his winning season, and all eyes will be on the performance of the Marlins and Cubs next year, looking for any proof that Loria screwed up.

The deal is done, and now we move on. I just hope it all works out, because right now, Loria looks like the biggest ass on the block ...

UPDATE: The pussy didn't even attend the meeting where they fired Girardi - he left it to his henchmen. Spineless bastard ...

"Whatever I say is not going to help the situation," Girardi said when asked about any harsh words at his final meeting. "Pride is a dangerous thing in life. It's very dangerous. If you feel like you have to have your pride when you leave, [you're in trouble]. To me, the hugs, and the winning is enough for me. The hug from Dontrelle [Willis] on the field. The hug from Miguel Cabrera, Anibal Sanchez, Hanley Ramirez, Dan Uggla. That's enough for me."

Sounds like Loria could have learned a lot about pride from Joe - had he wanted to listen ...

UPDATE #2: Well, that didn't take long ... five hours after showing Joe Girardi the door, Fredi Gonzalez was introduced as the new skipper of the Marlins. All I can say is you got the guy you wanted, boys - you'd better pray it works ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 07:36 AM PST [link]

A Cry For Help or Just a Dumbass?

There was a brief moment in time when George Michael actually mattered. First as the singer for the proto-boy band Wham! and later as a solo artist, Michael has several decent hits. For the last decade, though, Michael has managed to remain in the media spotlight for all the wrong reasons. First it was the bathroom act and subsequent arrest that forced him out of the closet, then it was a string of drug-related arrests.

The latest episode in this sad tale came yesterday when he was arrested after being found slumped over the wheel of his car. During a search of the vehicle, which was obstructing traffic, marajuana was found.

"At about 3.22 am (0222 GMT) on Sunday morning officers were informed of a stationary vehicle with a driver inside causing an obstruction" in north London, the spokesman said, declining to confirm the identity of the driver as a matter of routine.

He was taken briefly to hospital as a precautionary measure.

The singer's partner, Kenny Goss, told The Sun that Michael had nothing to say. "He's fine and I've got him a McDonald's," he said.

This was the third time this year Michael has been found asleep in his car in such a fashion. I know we all need a few extra zzz's as we get older, but I'm thinking that's not the case here. And with the support of a lover who thinks a Big Mac is the cure to all problems, I see only good things on ol' George's horizon - how 'bout you ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 01:05 PM PST [link]

Look ... It's the Sports Rant!

I was on the beach this weekend, so lots o' time for sports ...

- The Dodgers hit the playoffs at full stride, riding a seven game win streak. The Padres take the division based on head to head with LA, but not sure which gets the better deal. San Diego faces a Cardinals team that hit the finish line on fumes, and LA takes on the Mets without Pedro Martinez. I'll just be happy if they can win more than one game this time ...

- If you were wondering how many years it takes to forget the NFL, it's thirteen. That's how many years since both the Rams and Raiders skipped town, and I realized this weekend I couldn't care less. The talent level is so watered down now, and the players move around so much each season, it's become a rotogeek's wet dream - all there is to pull for is individual players. Yawn ...

- Forced myself to watch the Sunday Night Football game - or as much as I could stomach - just to get a fair comparison with MNF. The crew from ABC pretty much defected together, so it's no surprise that they'd rip off all the best ideas from the old show. Not sure it will ever be the appointment-TV event that it was on Monday, though. Frankly, I think the NFL really screwed the pooch with this TV contract, because they made something that was special into something that is routine - and I think they'll regret it down the line. Of course, they did the same thing with the Thanksgiving games - and you just don't screw with tradition. I will say this about the SNF broadcast, though - while Al and John are getting mightly old, and the studio crew flat-out sucks, having Pink do the musical intro is a mighthy nice upgrade from Bocephus. It's enough to make me tune in - at least for the first five minutes ...

- Someone please tell me how he does it. Tiger Woods, who followed his five consecutive wins PGA Tour wins with a first round exit in the World Match Play Championship (technically, part of the European Tour) and a so-so effort in the Ryder Cup, decisively won the AmEx Championship yesterday, thus keeping his Tour streak alive at six. I don't know how you follow up those last two performances with this one, unless the pundits are right and it's all about the Benjamins after all. Worth noting was the solid performances by other members of the US Ryder Cup team - more ammo for the naysayers who say today's Tour players just don't care about playing for country and not cash ...

- By this time tomorrow, at least four baseball managers will have cleared out there offices. Felipe Alou and Dusty Baker have been linked ever since one replaced the other with the Giants. They've both worn out their welcome, and it's time to move on - to another team for DB, and to the recliner for Felipe. Frank Robinson has already forcibly been "retired" by the Nationals, and it'll be interesting to see where he ends up. And of course, the Joe Girardi Death Watch officially started with the last out in yesterday's 3-2 Marlin win over the Phillies. They have the obligatory end-of-season meeting tomorrow, and the outcome isn't in doubt. Let me be the first to congratulate Joe on his new job with the Cubs and to Marlins owner Jeff Loria - you suck ass, you egotistical windbag.

UPDATE: 2 down, 2 to go - the Cubs just announced Dusty won't be offered another contract.

UPDATE 2: Make it 3 down - the Giants just dumped Alou. Only one domino left to fall ...

Posted by MarlinNut @ 10:19 AM PST [link]