I think I’m pretty typical for someone my age in that I feel my generation was totally screwed when it comes to cars.  Our parents got all the cool ’60s muscle cars, but by the time we got our license all those things were long gone – we got the Pinto and the Vega.  It’s not surprise, therefore, that I was pretty pumped when Ford rolled out their retro-Mustang a couple of years back – all the cool of the original with modern touches like airbags and disc brakes.  It didn’t take long for the other manufacturers to follow the leader, and soon we had a brand new Chevy Camaro and Dodge Challenger.  But while everyone’s dipping into the ’60s well for inspiration, some ideas are clearly more inspired than others.

Dodge was a little late to the table rolling out their modern muscle car, and 2010 is the second model year for the Challenger.  One could say they were a bit preoccupied trying to stay corporately afloat, but it seems they used the extra time to learn the mistakes made by Ford and Chevrolet with their earlier introductions.  Most people agree the Challenger is the throwback that is the “truest” to the original design – right down to the colors.  Like the original, you can get your Challenger in classic colors Detonator Yellow, TorRed or Blue Pearl – heck, they even brought back Plum Crazy.  But to celebrate what would represent 40 years of the Challenger – had they stuck around – they’re rolling out a version in … wait for it … Furious Fuschia.

Now, I should point out here that I’m a Ford guy, so there’s really only two acceptable colors to me – white with two Ford Blue stripes or Ford Blue with two white stripes.  I’m willing to tip my hat to the Mopar Gang for showing a little flair in their colors, but dude – that’s a pink car.  There’s just no other way to look at it.  I guess maybe if your girlfriend is into hot cars and you’re trying to impress her with a muscle car for her birthday or something, but I think for the rest of us this is just not going to work. Maybe they could have called this one “Failed Fuschia” …

Oh, and memo to the folks at the Three-Point Star’s Five-Point division:  If you’re gonna celebrate an award, make sure it’s something legitimate.  We all know that JD Power will give an award to anything from cars to toilet paper, but you guys are celebrating the Challenger being named “Most Appealing Midsize Sporty Car” – I mean, what the hell is that?  Probably exactly what you’d expect someone driving a pink car to celebrate, I guess …

Ever since Don Henley sang about the bubbleheaded bleach-blonde at 5, the stereotypical portrayal of local newscasters has been of talking heads hired more for looks than brains. I’ve had the chance to get to know several of our local anchors through Facebook, and I can tell you that it couldn’t be more true for them, yet the visual remains. Here in SoCal, where the loca; stations go on “StormWatch” at the first cloud, or break into programming for yet another car chase, they’re ripe targets for parody.

I was forwarded this video from a couple different sources, and it’s a classic. We’ve all seen the competing local stations trying their hardest to squeeze in as much in as little time as possible – this may be where the concept jumped the shark …

It’s an amazing world we live in, isn’t it? After all, has there ever been a time in our history where people with less talent could find more ways to cash out? From reality TV to wannabe popstars to the increasingly long list of Tiger Woods’ mistresses … allegedly … it seems a person doesn’t have to have any more talent these days than a willingness to make an ass of yourself in public – or show your ass in private.

It was about a year and a half ago that Eliot Spitzer, New York’s law-and-order governor, got caught with his hands in the … er, cookie jar. That jar came in the form of high-end call girl Ashley Dupre, and ended his career quite quickly. Ms. Dupre has been laying low, as it were, but you just knew that at some point, she’d resurface with some kind of media deal. And now she has …

Leave it to the New York Post to give her an office and a computer and a job – as an advice columnist!  And, being the Post, you know it’s not gonna be a column about proper social ettiquette:

Sure, she’s made some mistakes. But now Ashley Dupre, the former escort who brought down Gov. Eliot Spitzer, is sharing what she’s learned in her new sex, love and relationship column — exclusively in the New York Post. Is your husband cheating? Is your daughter on a dangerous path? Our readers asked — and Ashley fired back with her no-nonsense advice.

I don’t know if she’s actually banging out the answers or has a ghost writer, but the first batch seems pretty straightforward. Asked about the perfect Christmas gift for a wife, Ashley replied:

Women are really not as complicated as men think. If we love you, it doesn’t take much.

It’s the little things that married people sometimes forget. Like spending romantic alone time together. I think sometimes you get so wrapped up in the kids, you put your relationship second by default and that’s definitely not healthy for the relationship.

Hmm … come to think of it, that answer alone probably rats out the ghost writer …

Anyway, you can catch Ashley’s column every Sunday in the Post’s aptly named “Meet Market” section …

You may remember that a few months back, we wrote about an innovative – if unenlightened – attempt to breathe new life into a stale coffee franchise. At the time, we pointed out that the new “Bikini Espresso” coffee shop was inheriting a difficult location that had already failed in with a previous coffee brand, and wondered if just adding barristas in bikinis was enough to make a difference.

Back to Bikini Bottom for you!

The answer came barely three months after the grand opening. I noticed two things as I drove by recently – no customers, and a pink sign on the door. Suspecting I already knew the answer, I swung into the lot and took a look. Yup – outta business.

Gary Gillett thought he could brew a profitable business plan by mixing coffee with bikini-clad baristas in Torrance.

Just over three months into his experiment, Gillett has called it quits.

On Monday night, Bikini Espresso, the South Bay’s only drive-through bikini coffee shop and a magnet for resident complaints, shuttered its doors.

Pink signs on the front door and near the drive-through window read: “Relocating to a business-friendly town!”

“I had to turn off the lights,” Gillett said angrily. “I’m kind of done with Torrance. Torrance sucks.”

Um … told ya?

The whole “barrista-as-stripper” concept seems to work pretty well in the Pacific Northwest, but maybe that’s because the only bikinis they ever see are in a Victoria’s Secret catalog.  Here, where you only have to go two miles west down 190th to get to the beach and all the bikinis you like, it takes more than skin to win.  A good location, knowledgable staff, undercutting the Mickey D’s across the street – those are the kinds of business savvy decisions that will keep you in the business for the long run.  Half-nekkid servers apparently won’t.

He wanted to stay with the bikini concept even as his business seemed ready to fail.

“I didn’t want to go with the lingerie idea because I thought it would corrupt the original bikini idea,” he said. “I couldn’t have them on the street in lingerie. Plus, Torrance fought me enough on the bikinis.”

Way to stay classy, Gary. That’s not to say that Gillett is giving up on the concept, mind you …

Gillett said he hopes to reopen Bikini Espresso in another city, possibly Redondo Beach.

Woo. Hoo.

I’m all for creativity when it comes to new products, but once in a while something comes along that leaves even me scratching my head.

Like most everyone, I find the shoulder belt in my car to be a major pain in the ass.  I’m sure if I ever hit anything hard enough to need it  that I’ll be glad I have it, but the rest of the time it just chafes.  Apparently for at least part of the female population that chafing is more than just an irritation – it’s a major problem,  But not any more – thanks to the Tiddy Bear – a shoulder strap pad that’s not exactly like all the others.

We’ve all seen different types of pads used to ease the discomfort that shoulder pads cause – they became all the rage once manditory seat belt laws swept the nation.  Most of them are just clip-on pads, and some are even shaped like animals.  But that’s where the Tiddy Bear comes into its own. 

First, there’s the name.  According to the promo, the name was picked to be “memorable” right.  Just say it fast, and you realize it not only is the name of the product, but the piece of anatomy it’s designed to protect (insert childish snicker here).    Then there’s the positioning – it doesn’t face out, where others can enjoy the character.  Nope, Tiddy Bear faces inward, so he can bury his snout in your cleavage.

The guys over at AdSavvy, who understand marketing a lot better than I do, are clearly impressed with the campaign, if not the product:

Really though, Tiddy Bear thing is genius. They already sell high-quality seatbelt pads at Target for under 10 dollars. The makers of the Tiddy Bear took that idea, and made it shaped like a bear so they could use their ultra-hilarious double entendre name, and charged an extra 5 bucks. Well played, makers of the Tiddy Bear Comfort Strap, well played.

Now, I appreciate a good sexual double entendre as much as the next guy – remember, I’m the guy with the busty mousepad.  But this one really takes the cake.  It’s going viral these days, so I’m not sure if units are really selling or it’s just getting a lot of press.  But it seems to me like this is their moment to shine, and take advantage of the buzz.  Obviously, the next step is to release a smaller version for young women - the PedoBear …

Men are under an awful lot of sexual strain these days.  It’s bad enough that every third commercial on TV is about erective dysfunction – hey, no one needs that thought running around their skull at just the wrong moment – but studies show that more and more women are realizing that what they get from a man can be sufficiently approximated by a battery-operated appliance.  What’s a guy to do?

Just when you think it couldn’t possibly get worse, the MB has received word from our friends north of the border of a fresh threat to the regions south of our borders.   The men in Langley, British Columbia, are well-advised to not simply walk around staring at their feet and instead keep a close eye on the feet around them – a mystery woman is loose who kicked a stranger in the nuts so hard that one exploded.

“I just want to know what her problem is,” Anthony Clark, 22, told The Province Tuesday. “People like her shouldn’t be on the streets.”

Clark was walking down a street back in September, presumably minding his own business, when came upon a young woman.

“I was looking down and then I took a passing glance and saw her walk up to me,” he said.

That’s when the young woman inexplicably kicked him in the groin hard enough to send one of his testicles into his abdomen.

Umm … ouch!

While this is one of those stories that might elicit giggles – or a remembrance of Jim Bouton’s Ball Four and the term “ding-dong” – the damage was actually quite serious. The damaged testicle was removed and will eventually be replaced with a prosthetic. The woman is still on the loose, and while there have been no other reported attacks, the RCMP believes embarassment may be preventing other victims from coming forward.

As for Clark, he’d dealing with the situation as best he can.

“My doctors say I will still be able to have children,” Clark said. “But at 22 that’s not something I want a stranger, this woman, to decide.”

I’ve been slapped by women, punched by women, and bit by women (although that last one wasn’t necessarily in anger), but I’m happy to say I’ve never been kicked by a woman – and I’d like to keep it that way, thanks … :-0

Earlier this morning, the first flight of what is touted as the future of the American space program took place with the launch of an Ares 1-X rocket from Cape Canaveral.  The rocket, part of NASA’s “back to the future” plan to return to the moon in an Apollo-like capsule, uses a combination of shuttle parts and new components.

The good news is that the suborbital flight,  scheduled to last only two minutes, appears to have been a success.  The booster section – similar to the solid rocket boosters in use by the current Space Shuttle – parachuted into the Atlantic where it will be recovered.  The upper section, which was a mockup, simply plunged into the water somewhere downrange.

Unfortunately, just as the program can look at this success, it faces its greatest challenge.  Many were disappointed with President Bush’s decision to retire the shuttle in favor of what is at best an underwhelming effort to retrace steps taken generations ago.  The current administration is reviewing the program, and is under significant pressure to cancel it.

I’m an unabashed fan of space exploration.  I was one of those kids who sat cross-legged on the living room floor watching the black and white pictures of early launches back in the ’60s, and I remain a fan today.  Part of the reason I built satellites for Boeing was to be part of the space program in some little way.

There is a significant value to space exploration, even as the price tag reaches staggering levels.  Many of the technological conveniences we enjoy today were initially developed for our space program.  More than that, though, we are a species of explorers – it is our destiny to push forward, even if that means pushing into space.

But space for space’s sake isn’t enough.  You can’t just build and fire rockets and call it good – hell, the Chinese did that a thousand years ago.  You have to have a purpose, and a passion, and a vision – and the Constellation program doesn have any of that.  Yes, we need to get people to and from the space station, but we can use the Russian hardware for that.  Yes, there are probably resources to be exploited on the moon, but that’s what commercial ventures are for – let the boys at Space-X show the way.  NASA needs to lead the race for space, but it needs to be the right space – and right now, we’re on the wrong path.

Microsoft’s new Windows 7 operating system has hit the marketplace, so first let me take a moment to welcome all our Wintel friends to the era of modern computing. It’s been tough on you all these last few years, having to stick with your old operating system as you watched the Boys from Redmond blow their toes off one by one with Vista. But your salvation is at hand … or so they say.

I’m an unabashed, unapologetic Mac guy, but I develop software that is ultimately used on Windows-based boxes, and have a good knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses. I customize user interfaces for a living, so I’m particularly sensitive to the experience a user has when working with computers, which has always made me wonder why people were willing to put up with the crap they were trying to sell Windows users. I appreciate all the criticisms of Macs and Apple in general – and am even willing to concede some of them – but the bottom line is that when you sit someone down in front of a Mac and ask them to do something, they just get it done. It’s intuitive – if you know nothing, but guess, chances are you’ll guess right. Try that with a Windows box – and tell the Help Desk I said “hi”.

From all accounts, Windows 7 is a fine product. It should be, considering the amount of time they’ve had to go through the consumer complaints about Vista and watch release after release of Mac OS X raise the bar. I’ve read the reviews, and I’m willing to accept that this is the version of Windows everyone has been waiting for – especially all of us still on XP.

A couple of things trouble me, though, perhaps more for the way they’ve been handled than for the actual issue. Vista was a significant upgrade from XP, both in terms of interface and the underlying way it functioned. It was the interface that failed; the underpinnings were solid, and have been used as the foundation for W7. But here’s the problem – most users out there, and practically all corporate users, are still using XP … and you can’t upgrade from XP to W7. You have to do what is called a “clean install” – basically, wipe the hard drive and start from scratch. That means finding all the files you want to keep, moving them to a safe place, installing the software and then re-educating it about everything it knew before – who you are, your email accounts, etc. Major pain in the ass for a tech-savvy pro … certainly not something you’d want to burden your garden variety computer user. That will not only prevent many users from making the upgrade, but it’ll all but assure that corporate users won’t move on. Just not smart.

Another thing I noticed was that programs written for XP don’t work in W7. Again, I totally understand why this is, and don’t even necessarily consider it a bad thing. When the Mac OS moves from 9 to X, a similar issue occurred, and the solution was similar to that used in W7 – a separate window that emulated the older system and allowed apps to be run. But when Apple did this, there was a huge cry from the tech press about leaving people behind and forcing them to use a substandard emulated environment. Where’s the tears now, PCWorld?

Anyway, congratulations, Microsoft, on your new operating system. All signs point to good things as you continue your transformation from software overlords to Apple clones – how’s that new Microsoft store coming along? If only you could clone the innovation of Apple as well as you copy the invention …

Another icon of the early days of television has been lost with the death yesterday of comedian Soupy Sales.

Born Milton Supman in 1926, Sales became famous for his children’s show in the ’50s and ’60s, “Lunch with Soupy Sales”. Two things set his show apart from all the other kids shows of the time. While it was made by adults for kids, they never talked down to the audience – many of the jokes were as funny to the adults, and as a result many famous people wanted to guest star on the show. And then there the pies. Soupy Sales made the comedic gag of a pie to the face into an art form. By his own estimation, he was hit by 25,000 pies over the years.

After the end of his show, Sales was a familiar sight as a game show participant, where he never failed to bring certain cool to the set. Sales died in New York at the age of 83.

Somewhere, White Fang is crying.

I initially intended this post to be a riff and commentary on a poll I saw earlier this morning on CNN.com asking if you would be willing to pay $4.95 to see former president George W. Bush speak. Knowing that they don’t run polls unless the item actually exists, I decided to look into this one – and was amazed at what I found …

I think a lot of us wondered just what President Bush would do with himself once he was out of office. After all, it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to be doing the big-dollar speaking tours that predecessors like Reagan and Clinton used to feather the retirement nests, and there’s only so much time a guy can spend puttering around the house and walking the dogs. But he still has the title “former president” and the cachet that comes with it, and you knew that someone would pay him to show up somewhere. Personally, I’d have guessed he’d be the keynote at an some regional NRA meeting, but even I didn’t see this one coming: George Bush, Motivational Speaker. That’s right folks, step right up and get your tickets to the circus …

The GET MOTIVATED Seminar is an action-packed, fun-filled, explosive, exciting, inspiring, skill-building business event that is world famous for its mega-watt superstar speakers and spectacular stage production. This blockbuster one-day seminar will give you proven strategies to sharpen your business skills, ignite your motivation, accelerate your effectiveness and increase your income!

Only the BEST of the BEST appear on our stage! Dazzling pyrotechnics, live music and stunning special effects set the stage for our superstar speakers who deliver riveting presentations packed with cutting-edge skills for success.

The GET MOTIVATED Seminar will give you and your team the latest and greatest information in the arenas of time management, leadership, goal achievement, sales training, negotiation, finances, investing, relationships, health, spiritual success, business strategies, motivation, communication skills and much more!

You’ve seen these before … traveling seminars that go town to town with an ever-changing lineup of speakers, each of which is danced out to perform for 20 minutes or so and fire up the crowd. Well, apparently GWB is their new show pony, and will make his debut next Monday in Fort Worth as part of a lineup that includes old pals Colin Powell and Rudy Giuliani, along with that well-known intellectual Terry Bradshaw.   The best part?  It’s only $4.95!  I’m tempted to chuckle at the thought of a former president whoring himself out for five bucks, but I suspect he’s the one doing the laughing …

Guffaws aside, Bush is likely laughing all the way to the bank. Although “Get Motivated” did not return calls, financial disclosure forms in the past have shown other big-name pols – among them former Mayor Rudy Giuliani – pulled down $100,000 for an hour-long pep talk.

The seminars tend to draw mostly salespeople looking to up their game. What they get is a mix of how-to business and motivational tips, often framed in Christian, patriotic themes of the kind Bush often invoked as President.

The former First Lady will headline three “Get Motivated” events in October and November – meaning the retired twosome could be looking at an estimated $500,000 payday by Christmas.

Yep – definitely sounds like a home game for George. Once the reviews are in, you can bet we’ll have more to say …